


just like honey

by silkspectre



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Help, Johnny is soft, No Beta for This One, No rAgrets tho, Smut, Unrequited Love, every chapter has a song title, i just like writing the dialogue, i love the friends to lovers trope i feed off of it, idiots to lovers, idk this is lighter than my other fic, like not sexy vomit....is sexy vomit a thing? i hope not, mentions of vomit, nobody is dying, set after the game, these two, they both have a body now, this is sappy, v is oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:55:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkspectre/pseuds/silkspectre
Summary: V and Johnny decide to try being friends with benefits. Not everything goes exactly to plan.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/V
Comments: 142
Kudos: 168





	1. body of my own

**Author's Note:**

> So! I wanted to write something a bit lighter while I'm focusing on my other fic. I've always loved the friends with benefits to lovers trope. I also love these idiots and writing their dialogue. Every chapter is gonna be a song title - 'Body of my Own' is by Charli XCX. 
> 
> Main title is 'Just Like Honey' by The Jesus and Mary Chain. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> Also I have a playlist which I use for most of my V/Johnny fics, here's the link; https://open.spotify.com/playlist/21TpVIudDE81KTyjqI7BFc?si=EJZtirMqQ7KKzsH4GXjPwA

V was growing increasingly fond of her quiet time. Before Johnny she was a nomad - there was no time for quiet. Always something happening, someone who needed help, cars that needed fixing or races that were happening. When Johnny had entered her life it wasn’t as though she’d had a period of calm. Night City was a thrumming machine of noise. Ads were everywhere moaning and shouting at her as she adjusted to life surrounded by concrete instead of burnt orange desert. 

Johnny Silverhand was noise incarnate. When he hadn’t been fighting with her he’d been humming and singing, talking to himself. Even his hand gestures seemed to add to the noise. The static, the busy nature of city life. And then when they were separated V slowly started to find her patches of quiet. 

They’d stayed living together, even getting a bigger apartment so Johnny wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch. V was happy having him there, even if he still made the same amount of noise as before. He’d even brought his guitar back from Kerry’s, setting it up in his bedroom with an amp. More noise, but V enjoyed listening to him strumming before bed. He’d play out in the main room as well, settled on the sofa lost in a song. 

The bath had become the place where V found her quiet. She’d languish in the steaming hot water, sometimes even falling asleep if she’d been particularly stressed or busy. Scrub the dirt off, put on a face mask and just let her mind wander. Process things, the good and the bad. Check her wounds or scars. That evening Johnny crashed through her quiet, bursting into the bathroom and heading straight for the toilet. V sighed, head poking up over the side of the tub. 

‘’You heading out for the night?’’ She raised her eyebrows, resting her chin on the tub. She couldn’t see anything, focusing on the sink. 

‘’Already went out. Got some company.’’ 

‘’What - since I’ve been in here?’’ V’s surprised tone made Johnny laugh as he tucked himself back into his pants and went to wash his hands. 

‘’Didn’t take long to find someone.’’ She could hear the smirk in his voice when he said that. 

‘’Wish I could find someone that quick. Find someone at all.’’ V tilted her head back, letting it rest on the warm back ledge of the tub. 

‘’Got no game, V. Ya want some pointers?’’ Johnny glanced over his shoulder at her. Sunglasses still on. Some things never changed. 

‘’You already tried to help me, Johnny, ‘member? Ended up getting thrown up on backstage at The Red Dirt. And he still tried to feel me up afterwards.’’ V shuddered at the memory. 

‘’Huh, yeah. Fuckin’ gross. Knocked him out for ya, though.’’ Johnny dried off his hands, checking his reflection in the mirror. Of course. 

‘’That you did. My hero.’’ V pressed her hands to her chest in mock admiration before laughing. 

‘’Mean it, though. Could help you find someone. Talk to ya about it later.’’ Later meant after he’d gotten laid. V snorted, nodding and sinking under the water. Quiet time resumed, she thought back to when her and Johnny could barely talk without threatening to kill each other. 

But then they were friends, and she would’ve given her life for him. The promises they’d made when both of them had been on the knife edge of death. V would still give anything for him, because without him she wouldn’t even be alive. Wouldn’t have learned the things she had learned. Wouldn’t know that she could handle anything, even if it was scary and she didn’t think she could make it through. 

She left the bath not too long after Johnny’s appearance, shrugging her bathrobe on and wandering out into the main room. V couldn’t hear guitar playing, just loud rock music muffled by sound-proofed walls. There was a half-eaten pizza that she gladly helped herself to, turning on the TV and trying to focus on that instead of the nagging thought creeping into her head. Why was she alone? Hadn’t even had a second date with anyone since she arrived in Night City. Always one date, or rare hook-ups that never went anywhere. 

Johnny had tried to help her. They’d go out together and he’d play a good wingman. But V just couldn’t bring her own brand of charm to the table. She’d flounder, and start talking about work. Or talk about Johnny which was even worse. Their friendship wasn’t exactly run of the mill. Couldn’t be - they’d known everything about each other. Lived with each other in their heads. 

After describing a takedown of a scav den, helping rescue hostages or digging up confidential information her dates were usually side-eyeing the exit. If she was talking about Johnny sometimes they’d try and get with him instead of her, gravitating back to him like he had his own pull. He did, really, he had a way of making you feel special. That star quality that made it so easy for him to get people back home in his bed. 

‘’Maybe I should just show off my tits more.’’ V murmured to herself, pulling her bathrobe open slightly so she had a deep v, cleavage peeking out. It didn’t make her feel any better, she pulled her robe closed. No, she could be completely nude and still people wouldn’t come over to her. Maybe it was a reek of desperation, or sullen acceptance of loneliness. She resolved to try harder, curling up across the sofa and laying her head down. V shut her eyes, and let sleep take her. 

‘’Hey, wake the fuck up.’’ Johnny was nudging her leg with his boot, a can of NiCola in hand. 

‘’Whatimeisit?’’ V murmured, squinting at him. 

‘’Fuckin’ 1am. Thought you wanted to talk.’’ Johnny moved to sit, grabbing her shoulders and hoisting her up so she was upright. 

‘’Ah, feels like hours.’’ V rubbed her mouth, hoping she hadn’t drooled on the sofa. Not that it would be the worst kind of fluids the sofa surface had seen. 

Johnny hummed, drumming his knees for a moment, glancing at the TV which was touting some kind of new energy drink. ‘’Didn’t get laid. She threw up on my fuckin’ bed, though.’’ 

‘’Oh, fuck. Do you need help cleaning it?’’ V felt her stomach churn at the thought, but she would help. 

‘’Nah, got it done already. Sent her home in a cab while I was at it.’’ Johnny rubbed at his chin, V watching him for a moment. 

‘’You want to sleep in my bed?’’ It wasn’t that strange. He’d slept in there before, right after they’d been separated he had usually ended up sleeping beside her. Curled up with exhaustion, not used to being in a body. Not being used to having to physically sleep again. 

‘’Sure. Thanks. Fuckin’ sofa ain’t comfortable. Dunno how ya managed to fall asleep on it.’’ 

‘’Bath made me sleepy.’’ V smiled, stretching. Johnny hummed again, starting his drumming. 

‘’Been thinkin’ about your lil problem. Figured maybe should just ask ya straight rather’n dance around the subject.’’ 

‘’I’m all ears.’’ V turned to look at him properly. 

‘’Think we should figure out an arrangement. Between us. Friends with benefits.’’ Johnny did his hand gestures as he spoke, flattening his hands and smoothing them along the air. 

V let out a choked laugh, a little higher-pitched than usual. Johnny didn’t laugh as well, just shrugged his shoulders. ‘’You’re seriously asking?’’ 

‘’Look, we’ve already been inside each other. Different kinda way, but we know each other.’’ He gestured to himself, and then her. ‘’You were complainin’ about not getting any - this could be a mutually beneficial solution.’’ 

‘’I was...fuck, Johnny I meant an actual relationship. Yeah, sex would be nice but-‘’ 

‘’We stop when you find someone ya wanna date for real.’’ 

‘’And what do you get out of it?’’ 

Johnny looked at her like she was gonked. ‘’Sex, and no more chicks pukin’ in my bed.’’ 

‘’So that was the catalyst? Bed puker?’’ 

‘’Nah, been thinkin’. I mean bed puker helped, but what we have, sex can’t fuck that up. Too strong, like a fuckin’ tree takin’ root. Foolproof. Ya been like a fuckin’ kicked puppy, lookin’ all sad n shit. Even when I’m trynna hook ya up. This’ll take the pressure off. Maybe even teach ya a few things.’’ Again with the hands, like when he was on that balcony. 

_Trynna save your sorry hide, now._

V stared at Johnny, disbelief and curiosity smacking together in her head. Sure he’d flirted with her before, he did that with everyone. But he’d told her she wasn’t his type and she’d believed that. 

‘’Can I think about it?’’ 

‘’Sure, don’t have to say yes. Just throwin’ the idea out there.’’ Johnny kicked his feet up, resting his boots on the coffee table. 

‘’Gonna get ready for bed.’’ V stood, moving to go brush her teeth. Johnny was right, they did know each other completely. And V didn’t think sex would spoil it. Could spoil it. If they tried and it didn’t work out, they could just never talk about it again. 

Johnny was in her bedroom, wearing a t-shirt and lounge pants. V had been so shocked when he’d first put on different clothes. Something new, a different way of seeing him. 

‘’Okay, I want to try. If it doesn’t work out, we just cut our losses. Clean break, still the best of chooms.’’ V held out her hand, Johnny quickly moving to smack his metal hand into her organic one, smirk on his lips. 

‘’So? When?’’ He shook her hand once, then wandered towards the door. 

‘’Not tonight, maybe tomorrow?’’ 

‘’Got a show. Gonna be tired.’’ Johnny did usually crash out after a show. Without the drugs to keep him buzzed, he just usually fell asleep on the sofa, V gently prying his guitar out of his hands so he didn’t drop it. 

‘’The next day.’’ 

‘’We sound like two corpos. Scheduling sex.’’ Johnny disappeared, and V could hear water running in the bathroom. She pulled her bedding back, lowering herself down and staring up at the ceiling. ‘’Ya over thinkin’ it. Gonna psych yourself out.’’ Johnny spoke when he came back into the bedroom. 

‘’No I’m not. Just thinking about how fucking weird today has been. Also I need to shave.’’ V ran a hand down one of her legs, frowning. 

‘’Been that long, huh.’’ Johnny got in bed, arms behind his head on the pillow. V punched his arm playfully, wriggling away when he tried to grab her. 

‘’Hate you. Good fuckin’ night.’’ She reached over and shut off the lights. 

‘’Fuck you, too. Sweet dreams.’’ 

  
  


V didn’t know why she went straight to Panam the next day. Had been planning on getting drinks with her for a while, but instead they ended up grabbing breakfast at a diner on the outskirts. Between the Badlands and Night City, they could comfortably sit in a booth in the corner and catch up. Two completely different ways of living, but the nomad life was so familiar to V. She felt like she could have still been there, sleeping under the stars. 

‘’So, why did you really want to talk?’’ Panam stirred her coffee, eyeing V wearily. 

‘’Well, you know I’ve been complaining about no...intimacy.’’ 

‘’Yeah, every chance you get. ‘Panam, why can’t I get laid?’. So - someone finally satisfy that for you?’’ 

‘’Johnny propositioned me.’’ V felt her cheeks warm up. 

‘’Really? He finally admitted it? Fuck.’’ Panam sat back from the table. 

‘’What?...No, he wants us to be friends with benefits.’’ V laughed. 

‘’Oh...huh.’’ Panam moved back up to the table, sipping at her drink. 

‘’Well..’’ V gestured at her, waiting for more. 

‘’If it’s what you want - go for it.’’ Panam stuck her fork into a pancake, observing the maple syrup sloughing off. ‘’You’ve thought it over properly?’’ 

‘’Yeah. He said something about our friendship being a tree. Something about roots. But it makes sense, we overcame everything else. I’m kind of excited, in a weird prom night kind of way.’’ 

‘’You didn’t go to fucking prom.’’ Panam laughed. 

‘’Nope. But, if I did.’’ V tilted her can of NiCola at Panam, sticking a fork in her own pancakes. 

‘’You have to tell me what it’s like if you do it. God, I’ve heard stories even out here.’’ 

‘’I’ll bet. Should I like...make an effort? I’m gonna shave my legs.’’ 

‘’That’s all the effort you need.’’ Panam steered her piece of pancake into her mouth. V started eating as well, staring out of the window as cars passed every now and then. A few more people stopped, coming in for coffee and breakfast. Life was at a slower pace once you broke free from the city. V felt pangs of longing for her nomad life all the time, but nothing that would make her truly leave behind her new life. 

She finished up with Panam, accepting a tight hug, waving her off as she sped away into the sun-drenched desert. And V enjoyed the sun on her skin for a few more moments before heading back to Scorpion’s Arch, revving the engine before she started on her way. 

Her next stop was the Afterlife, greeting Emmerick as she passed through into the club. Claire waved her over, and V hopped up on a stool. ‘’Rogue’s out for lunch. I don’t think she has anything else for you, though. Usually warns me if you’re gonna roll through.’’ 

‘’I’m not a troublemaker.’’ V smiled. 

‘’Never done a thing wrong in your life, right?’’ Claire laughed. 

‘’Exactly. Not one wrong thing. I should go if Rogue isn’t gonna be here.’’ V hopped up. 

‘’Don’t want a drink?’’ 

‘’Nah, gotta go get my legs waxed.’’ 

‘’Sure you don’t want a drink for that?’’ 

‘’You know what, you’re right. Fuck it.’’ V sat back down again with a laugh.


	2. self control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos! It was really nice to see people enjoy this! Lemme know what you think! 
> 
> Title of the chapter could be two songs, the one I was listening to while writing is ‘Self Control’ by Frank Ocean.  
> But, if you are an 80s music fan, Laura Branigan’s song of the same name is a fucking banger. Like if Cyberpunk had been made in the 80s that probably would have been the title song.

V could’ve kissed Kerry when he called her up the next day. She actually did when she saw him, planting one right on his stubbly cheek. Wearing sunglasses and a leopard print silk robe, Kerry looked every bit the tired rocker. Johnny had passed out on the sofa after his show, not even with his guitar this time. V woke him up before she left, handing him some painkillers and a bottle of water. Kerry gave her an excuse to go out and not stay indoors all day, dwelling on everything.

‘’Johnny told me about your little arrangement. Got a good laugh outta that. You really gonna go through with it?’’ Kerry offered her a beer, V grabbed a lemonade instead. His little poolside bar, littered with trash from the night before. V had been to an aftershow party, conversely she also knew how lovely the marble tile of the bathroom felt pressed against her cheek after a night of shots. 

‘’Sure. Kind of looking forward to it.’’ V smiled, offering her can up for a toast. Kerry happily tapped his beer against her lemonade. 

‘’Eh, just thought things were different between you two. Know you’re connected in ways I can’t even begin to fuckin’ figure out. I’m just talking shit, V.’’ Kerry stopped. 

‘’It’s okay. I get it. He offered and I accepted. Nothing more to say about it, really.’’ V knew that there was, but she wanted to be cool about it. It was a big step for both of them, something new and challenging but hopefully beneficial. 

‘’I think it would kill him, V. If this did lead to somethin’ going wrong. Don’t think he’d jeopardize what you two have for anythin’.’’ Kerry sighed. 

V smiled at his words. She felt that way, too. ‘’Like he said...tree...strong roots...whatever.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah, the tree thing. ‘Member that. And the hand gestures.’’ Kerry tried to copy them, V started laughing. Every friend she had made her feel lighter. She’d even texted Judy, getting sent some pictures from Oregon. Texted back with a photo of Nibbles asleep with his tongue poking out from the night before. Her little community, the people she fought for, and who would fight for her back. Some of them had. 

  
  


V made it back before sundown, greeted by the sound of Johnny playing guitar on the sofa when she walked through the door. His back to her, head down, focused. She smiled, quietly creeping through to her bedroom, shrugging her jacket off. Padding back into the main room. Johnny was gone from the couch, along with his guitar. There was a strange tension in the air, like it was heavy to breathe. 

Wandering into the bathroom and starting to fill the tub. She dumped some oils in the water, watching them swirl and coil. Left the water to run, knowing it would automatically stop when it hit a certain spot. Back into the main room, Johnny rifling around in the fridge. ‘’We got anything for dinner?’’ V asked.

‘’Instant noodles or leftover pizza.’’ Johnny replied as he pulled back from the fridge, shutting the door. 

‘’Mmm, tempting. Wanna order some Japanese food when I’m in the bath?’’ V watched him, awkwardly shuffling from one foot to the other. 

‘’Sure. What’d ya want?’’ 

‘’Teriyaki with rice. Wanna share some mochi?’’ V knew that’d cheer him up. The chocolate mochi from their local place made him audibly moan the last time they had ordered, sending her into a fit of laughter. He’d thrown a piece of mango mochi at her in reply, neither of them liked that one. 

‘’Fuckin’ A. I’ll get it done.’’ He went back into his room, and V went back into the bathroom. Leaning over, she stuck her hand in the hot water, humming with approval before she stripped her clothes off. V liked to get in quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. Johnny had dipped his hand in once before, recoiling and asking her how she still had skin. 

Fully submerged, V leaned back, letting her hair get soaked. Shutting her eyes, quiet returning to her. She could do it, she could let herself go. To not be so rigid and worried. The time for worrying was over, she’d already been through hell and back. The worst had happened, she’d been shot in the head for christ’s sake. She’d given her bullet necklace to Johnny, in return for his tags. 

V washed her hair first, as always leaving the conditioner in while she washed her body. Her newly smooth legs, rubbing together at the other end of the tub. 

She heard the door open, sitting up slightly. ‘’Gonna take an hour. Told ‘em it was fine. Ya okay, V?’’ Johnny walked in. 

‘’Peachy. You want to talk?’’ V gestured to the space between the bath and the sink. 

‘’Sure, yeah.’’ Johnny just sat on the floor beside the tub, arm stretched across the side. 

‘’How was your day?’’ 

‘’Really? Not gonna ask about the weather, too?’’ Johnny laughed. 

‘’Trying to keep it casual.’’ V stuck her tongue out. 

‘’Can’t. Elephant in the fuckin’ room. Can’t stop thinkin’ bout it now.’’ Johnny looked at her, not hiding behind his shades like he usually was. Dark eyes that had scared her before, now warm and comforting. Her best friend, the one she’d said she’d die for. She would die for him. 

‘’You always overthink sex this much? Thought you were an easy rider.’’ 

‘’Usually am.’’ Pinching the bridge of his nose, looking down. 

‘’Going soft in your old age. Want to get in with me?’’ V placed her chin on the side of the tub, looking over at him. He could’ve leaned forward and kissed her if he wanted. 

‘’Food might come early.’’ Metal fingers drumming on the bath. V took his hand, knowing he was watching her. She saw him swallow, hand dipping into the bath water, flicking it at her with a smirk. 

‘’Johnny, are you sure you want to do this?’’ V took his hand, skimming her thumb over the top. 

‘’Just...worried about crossin’ that line. No goin’ back after.’’ 

‘’Of course you can go back. Already said it - if we try and don’t like it, clean break.’’ V repeated. 

‘’You’re sure?’’ Eyebrows furrowing, but voice soft and deep. 

‘’Sure. You said it yourself. Strong tree. Strong roots.’’ V smiled, keeping his hand in hers. ‘’Another way of knowing each other.’’ 

‘’You’re right. Bath is too small for both of us, though. I’ll go wait for the food.’’ Johnny stood, V letting his hand go. 

She admittedly did feel awkward, but that wasn’t a bad thing. V could handle awkward, washing the conditioner out of her hair and getting out of the tub. Johnny was drumming on his leg on the sofa, nervous energy. Maybe he needed a band aid, like she’d needed with her bath. V sat beside him, moving to set her legs on his lap, stopping the drumming. 

‘’My legs - have a look.’’ She held back a laugh, Johnny shaking his head at her. 

‘’Weird fuckin’ line, V. Maybe that’s why ya can’t get any.’’ His words shocked a laugh out of her. 

‘’Dick.’’ 

‘’Cunt.’’ His hand moved, smoothing over one of her legs. He hummed, ‘’Smooth. Didn’t have to do it, V. Not afraid of body hair.’’ 

‘’I like it. Told the waxer what was up and she wanted to give me heart shaped pubic hair.’’ V knew that would get him, Johnny breaking into a deep laugh, hand covering his face. 

‘’Heart shaped? Fuck, that woulda been preem. Prolly wouldn’t have been able to do anythin’. Laughin’ too hard. Fuck.’’ Hand still on her leg, running up and down. V moved closer, gently taking hold of his chin. Johnny’s eyes moved from her eyes to her lips. 

V wasn’t the most gentle of kissers, her first romantic experiences out in the desert with barely any privacy had made any intimacy quick and rough. Johnny was surprised how it contrasted with how gentle the touch of her hand was, arms pulling her slightly closer. A nip of her teeth on his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth for her, tasting the sweet ghost of the lemonade she’d been drinking at Kerry’s. Johnny tried to remember what he’d been drinking. Coffee. Probably tasted like coffee to her. 

She pulled back slightly, staring at him with her eyebrows furrowed. ‘’Well?’’ 

‘’It was a kiss. Wasn’t expecting you to be so rough.’’ Johnny rubbed his beard. V rolled her eyes, but felt relief. Just a kiss. Wasn’t awkward or weird. Felt nice, she felt good. 

‘’Show me how to be gentle, then.’’ Her tone challenging. Johnny obliged, slower to lean in, hot breath hitting her lips before she felt them. His organic hand slipping inside of her bathrobe, holding onto her hip. His metal thumb grazing across her jaw. She opened her mouth eagerly, wanting to taste him again. Sweet coffee, not cigarette smoke like she would’ve imagined back when he was in her head. Nothing was how she imagined it, and that was comforting. 

A knock on the front door broke her away, eyeing it wearily before she moved off of Johnny, fixing her bathrobe, which had come open. Johnny stared at her for a moment, going to the door and quickly bringing in the food, throwing it on the kitchen counter. 

‘’What-’’ V didn’t have a chance to finish, squeaking in surprise when Johnny picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, legs around his hips. 

‘’Fuck the food.’’ He wasn’t gentle when he kissed her again, hands squeezing her ass as he held her up. Almost smacking into the door frame on his way to her bedroom. 

‘’You’re gonna drop me!’’ V laughed, slipping down slightly as he tried not to trip. 

‘’I got ya, V. Always got ya.’’ Johnny lowered her to the bed, hands on his hips surveying his work. V sat up, making sure her robe hadn’t come open again. ‘’Seen it all before, anyway.’’ 

‘’And yet you’re still fully dressed. C’mon, strip.’’ V sat back, moving against the headboard and her pillows. Johnny went for his belt first, just dropping it to the floor. Moved to get on the bed, V protesting, ‘’Hey, shirt as well.’’ 

‘’Fine, fine.’’ Johnny lifted his shirt off, turning back to V, ‘’Happy?’’.

‘’Happy.’’ She shrugged off her bathrobe, wriggling out of it and throwing it to the floor. Johnny reached her, closing the space and running his hands up from her hips to her breasts. 

‘’Fuck. V. Can I touch you?’’ 

‘’Yeah, sure.’’ She settled against the pillows, letting his hands explore. The first time he’d touched more than her arms or a comforting hand on her back. She loved the way his metal hand felt gripping the side of her hip, eyes half-lidded by the time his hand moved in-between her thighs, brushing up to her stomach, muscles clenched nervously for a moment. The flat of his palm smoothing across, his eyes fixed on her. She took his hand, gently guiding it in-between her thighs again, cupping her sex. ‘’One thing.’’ She held up a finger, Johnny looking up, confused. 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’I, uh, don’t make a lot of noise. Don’t take it personally.’’ 

‘’Wait, what?’’ 

‘’I grew up sleeping in a tent with a bunch of other people. Had to learn to be quiet. Never been loud.’’ V bit her lip, feeling her cheeks blush like never before. She could see Johnny trying not to laugh, his own stomach muscles visibly tensing. A slap on the arm from her, laughing herself. 

‘’So is that a challenge?’’ The smirk he gave her made heat coil in her stomach. 

‘’Just warning you, don’t want you to think it isn’t good for me if I’m quiet.’’ 

‘’Uh-huh. Sure, got it.’’ Johnny started pressing kisses down her body, V watching him move down. Hips raised slightly when he pressed a wet kiss on each side, finger teasing up and down her slit before dipping in, coaxing a shaky breath out of her. Teasing inside of her before moving back up to her clit, swirling while he continued a trail of kisses. Encouraging V to put a leg over his shoulder, he felt her thigh shake slightly when he tongue finally replaced his finger. Another shaky breath. She wasn’t kidding when she said she was quiet. 

Johnny flattened his tongue in-between her folds, dragging it up and swirling against her, smirking to himself when he felt her thigh shaking again. His metal hand teasing a single finger inside of her, hips rising once again, rocking as he inserted another finger, curving and rocking them with her. He moaned before she did, vibrations causing a tiny ghost of a noise to leave her. Pressing his tongue firmer, quicker circles. His name finally falling from her lips, breathy just like all of her other sounds. Johnny reached down, un-zipping his pants, which were getting uncomfortably tight.

Her hand found his hair, tangling inside and pulling as her muscles started tightening around his fingers. Hips rocking quicker, firmer. Another noise, a little louder, letting her fuck his fingers while he sucked on her clit, finally bringing her to her peak. Hand in his hair giving one last tug as she writhed, riding out her orgasm until Johnny pulled back, dragging her down beside him by her hips. 

He studied her face, checking for remorse, he supposed. She just smiled lazily, blush even more evident. Her hands smoothing over his shoulders, down his chest. He let her push his pants off, watching as she took him in. Again, she’d seen it before like he’d seen her, but this was different. 

Her palm smoothed down his stomach, and if she was too quiet, he was noticeably loud. As soon as she had his cock in hand he groaned her name, hips bucking into her touch. Moved her hand to her pussy to gather slick before returning it to him, pinning him down in a deep kiss. That smirk that V hadn’t had before she met him, wearing it as she watched him come undone.

Johnny grabbed her arm, stilling her. ‘’Too good, V. Gotta stop.’’ 

‘’Barely touched you. Get worked up easily?’’ The smile didn’t leave her lips, but she withdrew her hand. 

‘’Sometimes, yeah.’’ Johnny didn’t look into her eyes when he spoke. He knew it was because it was her touching him. 

Rolling V onto her back, having another look at her. How he’d imagined her like this before, but how different reality was. How much better it was, really. He moved over her, his kisses trying to match her roughness, that metal hand settling on her hip again, bruising grip as he ground against her, feeling her move back against him. Lifting her leg up to rest on his shoulder, wanting to feel her thigh shake in his hand again. 

V grabbed a hold of his arm, making him pause as he lined himself up to her entrance. 

‘’V? You okay?’’ The rough voice was back, his muscles taught. 

‘’Yeah, just...you’re big. Need to brace myself.’’ She laughed. ‘’Should’ve taken the ‘impressive’ part seriously.’’ 

‘’I’ll go slow. Hold on.’’ Johnny gripped her hip a little tighter, trying to slowly push into her. V’s back arched, mouth falling open as she gripped his arm harder. 

‘’Fuck, feels good. Fuck, Johnny. Just put it all in.’’ 

‘’Gonna hurt you, V. Hang on.’’ 

‘’Want the hurt, c’mon.’’ That was enough for him, slamming into her with a groan. V cried out, tilting her head back. 

‘’You okay?’’ Johnny stilled again. 

‘’Yes! Fuck me!’’ There was laughter in her exasperation, hips bucking up into his. ‘’Not gonna break, Johnny.’’ V petted his cheek with her free hand, bringing him in for another kiss. He pulled out halfway, slamming back into her. A louder moan from her, muffled against his mouth. He pulled back to give himself better leverage, just grabbing a hold of her hips and letting her leg slip back down. She wanted rough, and he could give her that. For someone who’d said they weren’t loud, V was starting to defy her earlier words. Mostly she cried out his name, but her shaky, breathy moans were getting louder as well. Johnny could watch her writhe beneath him, her eyes shut, one hand gripping his arm still. 

_ All for him _ , the thought made him groan out her name, tilting her hips slightly to hit a new spot, sharp intake of breath telling him he was doing something right. Hand tighter on his arm, his hips quickening slightly. Hand leaving her hip to rub her clit, feeling her start to tighten around him. 

Johnny moved, V kissed him with more softness than before, but he liked her rough edges. Hand on her hips, guiding her to her end. ‘’Fuck, V. Fuckin’ beautiful.’’ He murmured against her mouth. Nails digging into his arm, murmuring words he could barely hear. Hips slamming back into his, choking another groan out of him. She came before he did, but he wasn’t far behind her, still tangled in a fevered kiss. 

He pulled back, shifting his weight so he wouldn’t fall on her. Back hitting the mattress, he wanted to take her hand, not knowing if it was too intimate an action. Made him laugh, since they’d just been doing just about the most intimate thing he could think of, barring him being inside of her head.   
  


‘’I get it. The hype.’’ The first words out of V’s mouth once her breathing returned to normal, and Johnny laughed again. ‘’Lemme go cleaned up, be back in a moment.’’ She wandered out into the bathroom, Johnny moving to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling. His head suddenly filled with a hundred buzzing thoughts, each of them pulling him towards a multitude of emotions. Running a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what he was feeling. 

‘’V? You okay?’’ Johnny called out. She poked her head around the bathroom door, laughing. 

‘’You keep asking me, I’ll tell you if I’m not okay...Are you okay?’’ She leaned in the doorway, hair still messed, eyes glinting. 

‘’Yeah. Got you to be a lil louder, right?’’ He knew it would make her blush again, her hand moving to feel her cheek. 

‘’You heard me at first. Sounds like a bird or something. Maybe we can work on it.’’ V moved back into the room, starting to get dressed. 

‘’Ya wanna keep doing’ this?’’ Johnny moved to pull his clothes back on as well. 

‘’If you’re happy about it. Sounds corny, but it’s really nice having someone I trust. Joked about you asking if I was okay...but it made me feel safe. Like we said, like knowing another part of each other.’’ She sat on her bed once she was dressed. 

‘’Feel the same way. And you didn’t puke in my fuckin’ bed.’’ That really got her, rewarding him with another laugh. 

They ended up eating dinner on the sofa, V stretching her legs over his lap again, like nothing had happened, still the best of chooms. ‘’Panam is gonna laugh, especially about the quiet thing. Kerry said you mentioned it to him - you gonna kiss and tell?’’ 

‘’Always been one to talk, especially if the sex was good.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah, like with the painter chick.’’

‘’And you saying ‘gross’ like a fuckin’ kid bein’ told about cooties.’’ 

‘’Shit, guess I’m a hypocrite then. Gonna go back in time and tell myself what we did. Have a field day.’’ 

‘’Feels like a hundred fuckin’ years ago. Glad it’s over, now.’’ 

‘’Me too.’’ V stretched her legs, yawning. ‘’You sleeping in your room tonight? Sheets all clean?’’ 

‘’Yeah, think so. Not tired yet.’’ 

V hummed, getting up and stretching again. ‘’Goodnight Johnny, thanks again.’’ She leaned back down, kissing his cheek before wandering to the bathroom. 

  
  


When she was in bed, Johnny lit himself a cigarette, opening the window and watching beetle-tiny cars move through the streets below. Said he’d quit, but every now and then he liked to light one up. Think things over. Wonder whether he’d made the right choice, knowing he was in love with V. Knowing she didn’t feel the same way. Knowing she could find someone now and he’d be left with the memories of how it felt to love her, to be with her. 

‘’Fuck.’’ He murmured to himself. 


	3. fools like me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I like writing V and Johnny being heavily judged by their friends? Yes, yes I do. I know this chapter is a lil shorter, next one will probably be longer!
> 
> Chapter title is from 'Fools Like Me' by Lisa Loeb. It is such a sappy song. I love it. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read/gave kudos/commented!

V left early again the next day, enjoying the early morning sun as she headed towards the same diner she’d met Panam at a few days before. It was quieter than before, only a few people drinking coffee and scarfing down greasy food. V took a seat - the same booth they’d sat at before, staring at the menu until Panam slid in opposite her. 

‘’To get me up this early, you better have something good to tell me.’’ She drummed her fingers on the table, rubbing her eyes. 

‘’We did it. Last night.’’ V spread her hands flat on the table. 

‘’Shit. Well, did he cry after?’’ Panam laughed, flagging a waitress down for some coffee. 

‘’This is Johnny we’re talking about, Panam.’’ V laughed. She completely missed Panam’s confused expression, studying the menu in front of her again. 

‘’Uh-huh. Sure. Cool customer, I bet. How was it?’’ Confusion turned into a tired, curious smile. Panam rested her chin on her hand, observing her clueless friend. 

‘’Fucking nova. Think he held out on me a little, didn’t want to hurt me.’’ V felt her cheeks warm as she remembered what happened. ‘’The whole ‘impressive cock’ line? Very apt. Also, kind of sore because of it.’’ She should’ve really braced herself for that, remembering how the fog of lust had taken over when he’d started pushing into her. She never had been patient when it came to things like that. 

‘’How sweet. V - you think maybe he wants something more? Like what if he wanted a relationship with you after this? What if you catch feelings for him?’’ Panam knew she shouldn’t really poke around in that general direction, but she was curious. It would’ve taken a fool to not see how he’d looked at V like  _ that,  _ despite his big talk he’d given about his exploits. When he’d tagged along with V for a gig out in the Badlands to meet Panam she was struck by how V had missed every single one of those looks. Like she was never on the same wavelength. Always looking out into the expanse instead of what was right there next to her. 

‘’Honestly, I think we want different things. He doesn’t want to settle, and that’s fair.’’ V shrugged, pointing her finger at a plate of eggs and bacon. ‘’This. I want this.’’ 

‘’And? What if you want more?’’ Panam raised an eyebrow, not even looking down at the menu. 

‘’It looks pretty filling. Might grab a danish to go.’’ V pointed to another item of food. 

‘’V, I meant with Johnny. What if you want more after this?’’ Panam honestly didn’t know how V could be so skilled and yet so dumb sometimes. As if common sense skipped over her like a rock being skimmed over water. 

‘’God, I don’t know. Don’t want to think about it.’’ V sighed, sipping at her coffee. 

‘’Why is that?’’ 

‘’Because it complicates things. I said nothing could change our friendship, which is right. What we’ve been through together is...it’s an unbreakable bond. That’s why it would hurt so much. I’d be tethered to him, but unable to be with him.’’ V frowned, keeping her hands around her coffee cup. Holding it, feeling the comforting warmth. 

‘’What if he felt the same way?’’ 

‘’Panam, it’s Johnny. He told me I’m not his type.’’ V could still remember that day in Pacifica. How they’d joked despite her being so close to death. 

‘’You slept together. Thinking he lied a little bit there.’’ 

‘’Like I said - we want different things. This is just sex. It wasn’t even awkward like a one night stand would have been. No ushering someone out of the door or having to do the walk of shame. I trust him, he trusts me. It’s perfect.’’ 

‘’I’m just worried this is going to end badly for you.’’ Panam reached over and took her hand. She’d never done that before, and V looked into her eyes. A pained smile. She knew everyone had been worrying about her before, and now that she wasn’t dying it was a relief. One of the most valuable lessons V had been taught was not to take the support she had for granted. 

‘’Don’t be worried. I appreciate it, but I’m fine. Hey - finally can stop complaining about not getting any.’’ Back to lighthearted. V didn’t want to think about what could go wrong. She wanted to feel alive again, like what she had fought for was still worth it. 

‘’Okay, okay. Let’s order some food. And you’re buying.’’ Panam relaxed a little, finally taking a look at the menu. 

‘’You are one sorry lookin’ motherfucker. You’d think you’d be fuckin’ dancing up my driveway. Instead you look like you’ve been given a coupla weeks to live.’’ Kerry shook his head, not moving to pick up his guitar. They usually would jam together, get any new material out of their system. 

‘’Kerry, c’mon. Just thinkin’ things over.’’ Johnny plucked a few strings, knowing he wouldn’t be doing any real playing already. They both knew he was just there to talk about the night before. 

‘’Thinking you maybe should have listened to me. Y’know that saying, listen to your elders?’’ Kerry had missed their talks, probably the thing he missed the most after all the years Johnny had been gone. Had been different back then, just two kids angry and confused about the world. Now one was knocking on eighty and the other was trying to come to terms with a world that had left him behind. 

‘’Heard of it. Don’t take advice from people who would choose that fuckin’ leopard print robe. No matter how fuckin’ ancient they are.’’ Johnny gestured at Kerry’s outfit vaguely, finally setting his guitar back in its case. 

‘’Har fuckin’ har. Look, no matter how tough you talk I’m still here feeling sorry for you. So lay it on me - how’d it go? Never get tired of hearing the new and exciting ways you decide to fuck yourself over.’’ 

‘’Kerry, I’m not fuckin’ waxin’ lyrical about it. Was good.’’ Johnny could’ve gone into detail. Like he’d said to V, he’d never shied away from details before. But he was still thinking it over. Still replaying it over in his head. Some stupid part of him trying not to forget anything, keep it all safe. He’d started panicking about losing memories when V had lost some of hers, determined to keep hers safe. 

‘’Good. Okay, satisfied your curiosity?’’ Kerry moved to pour himself a drink. 

‘’Yeah, guess so. Just realising maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea.’’ Johnny refused a glass. 

‘’But now you’ve been with her you don’t want to give it up?’’ 

‘’Mhhm. You got a cigarette?’’ 

‘’Yeah, here.’’ Kerry produced a gold-plated case. Johnny took one, considering for a moment before Kerry also produced a lighter. A long drag, exhaling before he started. 

‘’Botherin’ me now. How she thinks I’m doin’ her a favour. Thanked me. Fuck, how’m I supposed to go from here to...fuck.’’ Johnny set his cigarette in the ashtray for a moment, pinching the top of his nose and moving up to rub his forehead. 

‘’Take it as an opportunity.’’ 

‘’How?’’ He picked his cigarette back up. Another drag, another long, slow exhale. 

‘’Show her how you feel. Hope she feels the same way. You got time to build up to it. Perfect time to show her a different side.’’ Kerry rolled his hands, and then looked down at them. He was picking up Johnny’s gestures again. He used to do that when they were kids, too. 

‘’She saw everythin’.’’

‘’You said you only realized how you felt after she was gone.’’ 

‘’I mean she saw everythin’ there is to see. If she saw somethin’ she liked, would be different.’’ 

‘’You’re kinda different. Not the same mess you were before. Still a fuckin’ loser, granted. But you’re workin’ on it. V ain’t perfect, either. Fuckin’ gonkbrain just like you.’’ 

‘’Guess so. Wish I was still in her head sometimes. Wish I’d realized sooner.’’ Johnny put out his cigarette, rubbing the back of his neck. It struck Kerry, just how unused he was to putting himself in these positions. Asking someone else rather than blazing forward. 

‘’We’ll work it out. Got your back, Johnny. In the meantime, let’s actually try and get some fuckin’ work done.’’ Kerry went to pick his guitar up, deciding that the day wouldn’t be a total loss. Might even be good for Johnny to get his turmoil out in song form. 

  
  


V let herself into the apartment, taking her jacket off and tossing it onto the sofa, rolling her shoulders. She felt her back ache from being picked up like a ragdoll and tossed to a concrete floor during her gig that afternoon. Had zeroed the fucker that did it, but she could feel the bruises forming already. She popped a few painkillers into her mouth, washing it down with a bottled green tea drink from the vending machine.

‘’V? Everything okay?’’ Johnny called from his room. 

‘’Uh-huh. Just had a rough time today. Can you come look for me?’’ V took her top off, leaving her sports bra on. 

‘’Fuck, V. Your back is fuckin’ purple.’’ Johnny winced, moving to trace his fingers gently over the bruised skin. 

‘’Thought it might be. Sleeping on my front tonight for sure.’’ She laughed. ‘’How’s Kerry? You got any new songs to play for me yet?’’ 

‘’Not yet. Got something’ I’m workin’ on. Ya need anythin’ for your back?’’ Fingers gently stroking, remembering how it had felt to be in her body after she’d been beaten up. 

‘’Just gonna soak in the tub I think. Panam said hi.’’ V moved towards the bathroom, gently easing her sports bra up with a wince. Johnny followed her, gently helping her lift it over her arms and head. 

‘’Ya get all the gossip out of your system?’’ He moved to turn the water on for her, letting her shed the rest of her clothes. 

‘’Maybe. How about you?’’ V got into the tub, looking up at him. 

‘’Ya know Kerry likes to talk. Thinkin’ maybe we should talk it over ourselves.’’ 

‘’Yeah, take a seat.’’ V gestured beside the tub again, Johnny sitting and trying not to stare at her. 

‘’Don’t want ya thinking this is some kinda favour. Just want you to know. Ya deserve to have someone take care of ya, not just some random gonk off the street.’’ Johnny glanced, making sure to keep his eyes on her face. 

‘’Okay. I’ll stop thanking you for sex, got it. Anything else?’’ 

‘’No.’’

‘’Was gonna ask if you still want to see other people. Y’know, if you still wanted a little...variety. Might get boring with just me.’’ 

‘’Na, don’t need anyone else right now. Ain’t that much of a horny fucker.’’ He watched V’s mouth twitch into a smirk. 

‘’Whatever you say. Don’t be afraid to ask.’’ V sank into the water, wanting to wash the dirt out of her hair, knowing it would probably fuck it up washing it for two days in a row. Johnny sat in companionable silence while she washed, wincing whenever she accidentally knocked her back into the tub. 

‘’Kind of reminds me of when I was in your head.’’ He spoke up when she was done. ‘’Me just sittin’ here, doin’ nothin’.’’ 

‘’Used to like it. Better than being alone. I mean yeah I didn’t like you in the beginning. But then we got to be friends.’’ 

‘’When was that? When you realized you didn’t hate me.’’ 

‘’First time I had a nightmare. The one where you lost your arm. Felt like I was dying...and you reached out, grabbed my hand. Knew what had happened. And I felt safe. What about you?’’ V rested her chin on the side of the tub, watching him think it through. 

‘’Don’t think I ever hated you. Not really. Just confused, pissed that I got caught. Fuckin’ pissed that you were dyin’ because of me.’’ Johnny rubbed his beard, looking back at her. 

‘’Long way to come. Glad it was with you, Johnny.’’ A soft smile from her, and he nodded. 

‘’Same here. Now ya can’t fuckin’ get rid of me.’’ That got him a laugh, V flicking water at him. 

‘’Gonna get out, so scram unless you want more water on you.’’ 


	4. linger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song 'Linger' by The Cranberries.
> 
> This chapter is kinda sappy huh. 
> 
> Smut ahead! Should probably put warnings but it isn't anything too wild.

When V had said the line about ‘knowing each other in new ways’ Johnny hadn’t really thought about it. Stowed away without pulling it out of his thoughts until he realized what it meant. The little things he’d started to pick up on. First it was her hand grabbing his arm - whenever he was about to push inside of her she’d grab his bicep. He anticipated it after the first couple of times. Waited until she had a hold of him, she joked that it was like getting on a bus and having to grab a bar before it moved and you fell over. 

Probably another favourite was just how impatient she got with him sometimes. The way her brow would furrow or a pout would appear on her lips. Giving him a half-lidded glare. Or her hands in his hair, tugging his head back so she could suck on his neck. Never too hard, just enough to get a groan out of him. He could drown in her kisses, him remarking on her being rough but now he couldn’t imagine her not feeling like that. Like she needed him to breathe. 

He got up before her that morning, keeping his eyes shut for a little while and relaxing. They’d stayed in her bed after the night before, falling asleep in the afterglow, V telling him to stay with her. He felt like a damn teenager, the heady rush of emotion and wondering what it all meant. If every touch was deeper, if she’d noticed things about him, too. Johnny thought maybe it was a leftover part of V that’d been implanted back into his own mind, but there was no real way to prove that. 

Her arm pulled him closer in her sleep, him opening one eye to check that her expression wasn’t pained. Instead she was smiling, burying her face in his shoulder. He was just glad she wasn’t having the nightmares anymore. If he’d gotten her leftover softness, he felt awful that she’d inherited the fucked-up memories that had driven him to his own ruin. Johnny had gotten better at waking up in time, feeling her tense up beside him, or hearing her when she was scared. It never seemed to be enough, guilt weighing heavy. 

V wasn’t sure how it started - if it was just laziness or comfort, but they started taking turns sleeping in each other’s bed. It’d started with her in Johnny’s bed, and then him in her bed the next night. It wasn’t a big deal, if anything she was glad to not be left in a large empty bed each night. Johnny was warm and comforting, just like when he’d bring her out of her nightmares when he’d been in her head. 

V hadn’t had the nightmares as often, but still sometimes she’d jolt awake before completely falling asleep, for a moment sure that Adam Smasher or some other boogeyman from Johnny’s past would be waiting in silvered moonlight. Thankfully that morning she had just dreamt of yellow flower fields, a broken wooden fence and soft guitar. One of Johnny’s memories burning into hers again. 

‘’Get up.’’ She heard Johnny’s voice, trying to curl up under the covers. ‘’V, ya got an appointment with Vic. Check-up day. I gotta go as well.’’ 

‘’Mmm. Not ‘til noon.’’ 

‘’Check the clock.’’ With that her eyes snapped open. 11.30am. 

‘’Fuck. Didn’t know I was that tired.’’ V frowned, slipping out from Johnny’s bed. Automatically turning to fix his sheets and pillows. 

‘’Been working a lot more. Also, haven’t exactly been goin’ to bed early.’’ Johnny helped her, already fully dressed. V wondered how long he’d been up before he decided to come and wake her. She wouldn’t know that he’d laid next to her as long as possible before getting up. 

‘’We went to bed early, then you decided to touch me.’’ V puffed a piece of hair out of her eyes. 

‘’A thigh massage. Ya asked for a thigh massage.Think I used that line when I was a gonk teen lookin’ ta get sucked off.’’ Cup of coffee sat beside her on the nightstand, V took it and drank a mouthful. Johnny still standing there, hand on his hip as he swiped through his holo. 

‘’Oh yeah. I guess I did start it.’’ V laughed, rummaging through her closet. ‘’Line worked though, didn’t it?’’ She giggled to herself. Johnny shook his head, smirk evident on his lips. 

  
  


‘’Everything looks fine, V. Nothing you want to add? No symptoms?’’ Vik swiped at the data sheet, squinting slightly. 

‘’Nothing. Just nightmares, like last time.’’ V sat up, hearing the tired synth leather creaking in the chair. She should buy him a new chair, seeing how he’d saved her life and hadn’t asked for a single Eddie in return. Johnny sat watching, having already been given the all-clear. 

‘’Can’t help with those unfortunately. Maybe get Johnny and talk it through when you have them, sometimes underlying stress can make things worse.’’ Vik rubbed the back of his neck, shooting Johnny a glance that V didn’t see. 

‘’We do talk. I can handle it. Just annoying more than anything else.’’ V got up from the chair, putting her jacket back on. 

‘’I get it. Don’t be a stranger. Misty misses you as well.’’ Vik went to wash his hands, drying them and leaning with his back against the sink. 

‘’We’re gonna go see her after this.’’ V smiled happily, moving to hug Vik. He gladly accepted, a strong bear hug, lifting her off the ground for a moment. 

‘’Glad you’re still here, kiddo. Look after yourself.’’ He let her down, V nodding. 

‘’I will. You do the same, Vik.’’ 

  
  


Misty offered a hug as well, albeit a much softer alternative to Vik’s. her eyes moving to Johnny, her smile widening on her lips. ‘’Nice tattoo you have there, Johnny. The Tower.’’ She nodded her blonde head towards him. 

‘’Yeah. Got it a long time ago now.’’ He looked down at his arm, trying to remember when he got the tattoo. Barely could parse through the memories, all of his tattoo sessions had been under the influence of alcohol. 

‘’It’s upright to me, but reversed for you. You see it differently.’’ Misty’s smile widened. V watched the two of them, idly tracing the lines on her palm. She always became hyper-aware of them. Scared of what Misty would tell her based on the lines. Remembering a time with no hope, she didn’t want to forget how that had felt. Her memento mori, a reminder of what she could have lost if she hadn’t fought like hell. A reminder that her time could be up and that she should cherish the time that she had left. 

‘’Always liked that one. Reminded me of fairy tales.’’ V laughed. 

‘’Powerful card. Means change in both senses, the good and the bad. Upright could mean chaos, upheaval, awakening.’’ Misty took a deck of tarot cards from a black velvet box, embossed with red. 

‘’Like when we first got shoved together.’’ Johnny offered. 

‘’Yes. The way Johnny would see it, reversed, means personal change, fear of it, too. And averting disaster.’’ Misty had already started shuffling her tarot deck. 

‘’That’s...really accurate. For what we went through.’’ V took a hold of Johnny’s arm gently, having a look herself even though she’d seen the tattoo many times before. 

‘’Predicted my own damn life. Ya need any help here Misty?’’ Johnny grinned, looking at the tattoo himself. 

‘’Not enough customers to justify having you here, Johnny. But thanks. Ready for your reading, V?’’ 

‘’Yes, please.’’ V leaned against the counter, laying her hands flat. 

‘’The Lovers.’’ Misty grinned after she’d pulled the first card. 

‘’Think I know what that means. Could meet someone any day now.’’ V nudged Johnny, who was watching with interest. 

‘’Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to find a new love. Could be a friendship or existing love that deepens. It’s a sign that it’s okay to give in to this transitive love. That it’s beneficial to explore it.’’ Misty looked at Johnny for a moment, before going back to the cards. ‘’Two of cups.’’ Misty gestured at the card. 

‘’A sign we should go get drunk?’’ Johnny spoke up, earning him another nudge from V, Misty laughing. 

‘’Two of cups is about communication. It can be a sign that a love will be unified, two parties will communicate that love. Could be that there is a mutual attraction that is acted upon. A good sign, and another love card. Things are lookin’ good for you, V!’’ 

‘’Don’t jinx it, Mist.’’ V smiled, waiting for the last card. 

‘’The tower. Huh.’’ Misty laid the card on the table, frowning. 

‘’Oh, shit. You said that means chaos - bad stuff?’’ V looked at Johnny - eyes moving to his arm. 

‘’It’s not necessarily a bad card. Depends how you look at it. Could mean an awakening of some kind like I mentioned before. With these other cards, could mean something different. Abstract in a way that we can’t comprehend.’’ 

‘’So I could find the love of my life. Could already know them, even?’’ V spoke softly smiling to herself. 

‘’Yeah, or they could be someone new. Maybe a new person in an old setting. Maybe an old acquaintance. But I think they’re closer than you think. Got a good feeling.’’ 

‘’I‘ll keep that in mind.’’ V nodded, sending Misty the credits for her reading. 

‘’V, you know I don’t charge you.’’ Misty frowned. 

‘’So many free readings, Misty. You deserve it, really appreciate your insight.’’ V stood, moving around the counter to hug her. ‘’See you again soon!’’ 

‘’Johnny, hold on. Can I have a word?’’ Misty held up a hand. V smiled, heading out the door and making a beeline for the nearest vending machine.

‘’Interestin’ stuff.’’ Johnny rubbed his beard, feeling nerves twist in his stomach. 

‘’Mhm. So, when are you going to tell her how you feel?’’ Misty cocked her head to one side. He couldn’t hide from her, knew enough to know that. 

‘’How I feel?’’ Johnny decided to play dumb, despite knowing Misty wouldn’t believe him. 

‘’Don’t try and lie, Johnny. You’re terrible at it.’’ Misty laughed. 

‘’How’s it everyone finds me out, but V has never noticed at all?’’ 

‘’She’s not looking at you. She sees love, yes, but not in that way. You’re a pillar of stability for her. Need to show her you can be more than that.’’ Misty was looking through her supplies for something. 

‘’Been told that lately. Just...ain’t sure how.’’ 

‘’These. Candles, bath oils. Her favourite scents. Maybe cook her dinner.’’ Misty got a bag and put some things inside for him. Johnny felt slightly uncomfortable, a familiar nervous feeling. He’d never liked being romantic in a showy way. Just didn’t enjoy the feeling beforehand. Being suspended in a place of uncertainty. ‘’You saw the reading, Johnny. I think she’ll reciprocate. You just need to put yourself out there.’’ 

‘’Thanks.’’ Johnny sent the credits to Misty after some arguing. He appreciated her, even if he knew that he wasn’t ready to confess anything to V. 

‘’Hey, you bought some stuff?’’ V raised her eyebrows when he stepped out, holding out a can of NiCola. Johnny took it, shrugging. 

‘’Somethin’ I’d asked her for.’’ He took a sip, observing their surroundings. 

‘’Oh? Anything interesting?’’ V questioned. 

‘’Nah. Show you later.’’ 

  
  


‘’Told ya. Not gonna both fit in here.’’ Johnny gestured to the tub. V wrinkled her nose up, she’d come to appreciate all of the little expressions he made. When he’d been in her head and she’d caught him seemingly mulling things over, or her favourite, when he smoothed his hands along the air. When she’d driven him around the city after he’d gotten his body back he’d stuck his hand out of the window and dipped it up and down through the air like a dolphin. Had made her smile, him experiencing all those sensations again, knowing how much it meant to him. 

‘’You don’t know if you don’t try. C’mon.’’ V gestured to the bathtub, water already filled halfway so it wouldn’t spill over when they both got in. There was a drain for the shower where the water could go, anyway. ‘’Not like you aren’t going to benefit from this.’’ 

‘’Fuckin’ tub.’’ Johnny lifted his shirt, feeling V unbuckle his belt for him. Her hands quickly pushed his pants off and he stepped out of them. He lowered himself into the scalding water, sucking in a breath. ‘’Fuck, V. Feel like a fuckin’ lobster boilin’.’’ 

‘’Complaining like you’re not getting anything out of this. You said you wanted me on top again.’’ 

‘’Yeah, on the sofa or in my bed.’’ 

‘’Let me try.’’ V pulled off her bathrobe, lowering herself down in-between his legs, facing him. ‘’The water is barely hot.’’ 

Johnny glared at her, flicking water in her face. V flicked it back, laughing. There wasn’t much room, granted, but she could maneuver closer, straddling his hips. His eyes were watching droplets run down her breasts from when he’d splashed her, metal thumb swiping one off before it dripped down. 

‘’Gonna have to prepare myself this time. Always get a little impatient.’’ V watched his face while he touched her. 

‘’I like it. Shows how much you want my cock.’’ Johnny didn’t really think before the words came out. V snorted loudly, hitting his shoulder. 

‘’Gross.’’ V stuck her tongue out. 

‘’Ya say gross like ya haven’t been bouncing on it for the past week.’’ His smirk back in full force, no shame at all. 

‘’Johnny!’’ V hit his shoulder again, not hard enough to hurt any. Her cheeks were bright red, covering her face with her hands. 

‘’C’mon, ya know I like to tease.’’ He moved to pry her hands away, grinning. Got her hands away and he kissed her softly, feeling her cheeks hot against his face. Usually he would work up to it, but he just wanted her moaning against his lips. Reaching down to trace his organic hand up and down her slit, one of her hands moving to squeeze his shoulder. Two fingers swirling firmly on her clit, and she opened her mouth against his, moaning softly. Another thing he loved, another thing he didn’t want to live without now. 

Using his shoulder for leverage she rocked her hips against his hand, her free hand tangling in his hair. ‘’Fuck, Johnny.’’ She gasped, grinding harder against his hand. 

‘’That’s right. Fuck my fingers, V.’’ His voice rough against her lips. Fingers slipping inside of her and curling, thumb replacing the fingers on her clit, letting her use his hand. Nails digging into his shoulder, her noises still muffled in a rough, sloppy kiss. He let her keep going until he felt her begin to tighten around his fingers, pulling his hand away from her. 

For a moment she was frowning, eyes confused until his metal hand steadied her hips, bringing them down slightly so she could grind against his cock instead. A softer kiss, no more nails in his shoulder as she shifted slightly, gliding him up and down in-between her folds, back arching before she finally sank down on him. Her mouth opening against his, her eyes tightly shut, palm flat against his shoulder as she gently lifted up her hips, using him as leverage again. 

Johnny helped her, metal arm taking most of her weight when she started to bounce on him. ‘’Better?’’ He managed, trying to slow her for a moment. She nodded quickly, watching him now as she rose and fell, eyes half-lidded as she ran her thumb over his lips when he groaned her name. Fascinated with the look in his eyes, looking at her like she was an exalted thing. One of the things V had picked up on, the way he looked at her sometimes. Like she was someone special, and she supposed it was probably the look he gave anyone he was fucking. Right then, he was looking at _ her, _ though. 

Too soon, she felt herself about to climax, murmuring something to that effect in-between kisses and moans. Seeing his whole body tense as she tightened experimentally around him, a cry falling from her lips. Keeping her eyes on him as she came undone, feeling him throb inside of her, fingers digging into her hips as he bucked up, more noises muffled in a deep kiss. V feeling her chest tighten when she pulled back to look at him again, pushing back his hair from his face. 

They showered briefly after, V giggling when she realized how silly it had been to fuck in the tub when they could’ve just done it elsewhere and showered after. Johnny asked her why she was laughing, and she just shook her head. Refusing to admit that he had been right earlier about the sofa or bed being a better place. 

They’d both gone to bed in their respective rooms, V tossing and turning for a while. Looking over at the empty space beside her. Thinking how much better it felt to have someone there. She almost jumped out of her skin when Johnny shuffled into the room, getting in her bed and facing her. 

‘’’Membered you mentioned the nightmares to Vik. Just gonna sleep here tonight in case.’’ Maybe Misty had been a little wrong about his ability to lie, maybe V just wasn’t thinking he would lie about it. But he just wanted her beside him. He’d be lying in bed staring up at the ceiling all night otherwise, lost in thoughts. 

‘’Thank you. Goodnight, Johnny.’’ 

‘’Sweet dreams, V.’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading/leaving kudos/commenting! It means a lot to me, I love hearing people's thoughts. Everyone has been so lovely! 
> 
> The next chapter should usher in some DRAMA.


	5. good old-fashioned lover boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way longer than it started out as! Smut ahead!  
> Chapter title comes from ‘Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy’ by Queen.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who read/gave kudos/commented! I love reading your thoughts 😊

‘’Johnny, Panam got me a date.’’ V looked up from her holo, curled up on the sofa after her day chasing some cyber parts dealer who was selling cyberware that had been harvested from corpses. ‘’Says tomorrow night he wants to meet me.’’ 

Johnny tensed, thankful he wasn’t right beside V. Had his guitar resting on his thighs, sitting opposite her. ‘’Oh? Where’d he want to meet up?’’ 

‘’That diner I keep meeting Panam at. She says he’s alright. A nomad.’’ V showed Johnny her phone screen. Some gonk with messy hair and a patchy beard. 

‘’Huh. Not really what you’re lookin’ for. Nomad, I mean.’’ He squinted at the holo. 

‘’Mhm. But I’m rusty, so it could be practice.’’ V felt a little bad about saying that, but she wasn’t really betting on finding love on her first date after such a long time without one. A nomad could disappear back into the desert, she wouldn’t awkwardly run into him in clubs or on street corners. 

‘’Yeah. Want me to drop ya off?’’ Johnny played a few chords, not really focused. Just needing to keep his hands busy. 

‘’You have a show.’’ V remembered that she’d said she would go. At that moment she would have preferred seeing Johnny play rather than meeting some stranger in the desert. She appreciated that Panam had found someone for her, but she wasn’t getting the idea that this guy would be a great match. Nothing grabbed her about him, and then she had the added knowledge that she could just stay home and Johnny would be there for her. 

‘’Tell the gonk to come watch us play.’’ Johnny stopped playing for a moment, looking at V’s holo. 

‘’Lemme send him a message.’’ She smiled, ‘’Be nice to be somewhere with friends. Just in case he’s a creep.’’ 

‘’Don’t think Panam would set ya up with a creep. Gonk would know she’d kill him if he messed with ya.’’ 

‘’Hey, I would kill him first.’’ V laughed. 

‘’That’s right. I’ll be in line after Panam.’’ Johnny gestured to V, an imaginary Panam, and then himself. V gestured at herself, giggling. ‘’Hey, like to give ya a visual.’’ 

‘’Uh-huh. So what’re you playing tomorrow? Got a setlist?’’

‘’Fuck no. Just gonna play.’’ Johnny went back to idly strumming. 

‘’Of course.’’ 

‘’If things go south with loverboy, I can finally show you what goes on backstage.’’ Smirk back on his lips, eyes back on her. V shook her head softly, smiling. 

‘’Oh I saw your memories, I am aware.’’ V rubbed her cheek, feeling a blush forming. 

‘’Different when you’re there. M’tellin’ ya.’’ Johnny started playing something properly, V watching him. 

  
  


The next night V went with Johnny to Riot. She would meet her date later, but before that she sat in on their sound check, glad to see Kerry again. Nerves swirling at the prospect of her date, she ordered herself a Silverhand, having to explain to the bartender what it was. Wasn’t the Afterlife, she’d forgotten. Riot was certainly different from the dive bars she was used to. The gig with Lizzy Wizzy came to mind as she wandered around. In the loading bay, popping her head in the VIP area and finding it empty. A few guards that she waved happily at, asked them a few questions. Idle chatter, something to occupy her mind. 

Johnny came and found her, hand plucking the drink from her, downing it in one gulp. ‘’Shouldn’t get too fucked before the show, V.’’ 

‘’Just nervous. How long till it starts?’’ 

‘’’Bout an hour. Ya wanna go sit somewhere?’’ 

‘’Mhm, let’s go. Is Kerry backstage?’’ Linking arms, they headed into the green room. Mirrors lined the walls, plastered with flyers from shows that had happened before. A brand new Samurai poster haphazardly stuck on the side of a mirror. Furniture was of nice quality - sofas and some chairs in front of the mirrors. 

‘’Hey, V! Nice of you to join us!’’ Kerry cheered, holding up his own drink. V didn’t recognise the man beside him, rugged-looking with shaved eyebrows. A fancy-looking leather jacket which also had a Samurai patch on it. Might’ve been a present, sure looked the part. 

‘’This is Vincent. Input or Output, don’t fuckin know at this point what the fuckin’ words mean.’’ Kerry patted Vincent’s chest gently, grinning.

‘’Your boyfriend?’’ V laughed, standing next to a plush black leather sofa. 

‘’Guess fuckin’ so! He’s a merc like you.’’ Kerry gestured for Vincent to introduce himself. 

‘’’Ey, nice to meet you two. Heard a lotta things.’’ Vincent shook their hands. Strong grip, his cheeks slightly pink from what looked like a blush. 

‘’Kerry better’ve talked me up. Blew up a damn boat with him.’’ V grinned. 

‘’Heard about that. Impressive stuff. You got a reputation, V.’’ 

‘’Good one, I hope.’’ 

‘’They say if you want merc work done you’re solid.’’ Vincent eyed Johnny, probably having heard the stories about him, too. 

‘’Saved my life a couple times.’’ Johnny nudged her with his elbow, noticing that her arm was still linked with his. 

‘’Yeah, Johnny. He knows all about that, too.’’ Kerry snorted, standing. ‘’You two have fun until the show. Don’t fuckin’ cum on my shit, Johnny.’’ 

‘’Not promisin’ anythin’.’’ Johnny called after him, earning a middle finger from Kerry before Vincent led him through the door. 

‘’Did used to cum on his shit, too.’’ Johnny murmured to himself, laughing. 

‘’Bad friend, Johnny. You were a bad friend.’’ V giggled. 

‘’Now I just cum  _ on _ my friends.’’ That earned him a nudge and a snort from V. 

‘’Gross.’’ 

‘’All these things you say are gross and yet when we’re doin’ ‘em ya beg me for it. Some discrepancies in ya standards, V.’’ He nudged her back.

‘’Johnny.’’ 

‘’Mhm?’’ He looked down at her, smugness in full effect. 

‘’You’re a dick.’’ V smiled, leaning against him. 

‘’Ya sure about this date? Can always bail.’’ Johnny didn’t look away from her, like he was searching for some expression. Some clue that she wanted to run and never look back. That they could just go home and forget about it. That he wouldn’t lose her to some asshole nomad that Panam dug up from the sand. 

‘’I’m here now. Looking forward to seeing you play on stage.’’ V gave him a wider smile, squeezing his arm slightly. 

‘’Moreso than your date. V, ya got nothin’ to prove to anyone.’’ Still looking at her, V frowned slightly. 

‘’Can’t keep fucking you for the rest of my life, can I? Gonna get bored of me one of these days Johnny.’’ She took her arm from him, just folding hers and stepping back. 

‘’V, hey. You’re not fuckin’ borin’. Far from it. Look around ya -  _ look _ at how many friends ya have. How many people love you. That ain’t an accident.’’ Johnny gestured like her friends were in the room, like he could pluck them out of thin air. 

‘’Friends are different. Nobody wants to  _ be _ with me, Johnny.’’ V felt pathetic saying it. But it’s how she felt. 

‘’I’m with ya most nights.’’ Johnny offered. 

‘’You know what I mean.’’ Eyes rolled, still looking at him afterwards, though.

‘’It ain’t any different. Just a different label. Ya think I fuck you outta pity? Not my fuckin’ style and ya know that. Been in my head, my memories. If this gonk you’re meetin’ does what I think he’s gonna do you’re gonna have a fine evenin’. Sit down, shoot the shit. Might be a spark, might not. But don’t mean ya ain’t worth the time, V. Just means it ain’t the right time or it’s the wrong person. S’all it is.’’ Johnny held his hands up. 

‘’Johnny Silverhand giving comforting romantic advice? Huh, wish I recorded that.’’ V smiled, arms relaxing. 

‘’Just givin’ ya the truth. S’all it is.’’ Hands down, relaxed as well. 

‘’Thank you, Johnny. Mean it.’’ V bit her lip, brow furrowing slightly before she moved to hug him. Shutting her eyes when his arms wound around her tightly. 

  
  


V forgot just how loud it was once the band got going. Could barely hear what her date was saying, even when they pulled off to the side. His name was Quinn, and he’d grown up with a different group of nomads to start with. Not Bakkers or Aldecaldos, a name V hadn’t even heard of before. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t attractive, because she could kind of see the appeal. Johnny was right, his beard was patchy, but he seemed pretty easygoing. Mentioned that Panam had approached him after he’d complained about how small his dating pool was. 

Maybe she wasn’t in the right frame of mind, or the right mood. But V just felt herself zoning out. She’d look over at the stage, seeing how much fun everyone was having. How much fun Johnny had on stage with Kerry, spotting Vincent peeking from backstage, Kerry blowing a kiss to him. 

_ Something sharp by your heart. _

V felt it, that sharpness Johnny had picked up on all that time ago. Something wanting to be given, wanting to be had. She imagined being up there waiting for Johnny, although he probably wouldn’t blow kisses. Probably would make lewd gestures. The thought made her smile. 

‘’Want to meet the band afterwards?’’ She asked Quinn, seeing him nod quickly. 

‘’Panam said you’re close with Silverhand.’’ 

‘’Saved my life. More than once.’’ V always felt like she could say more. But then again she couldn’t even count the ways her life had changed after she met Johnny. 

‘’Hear he fucks anything that moves. Guy’s a legend.’’ Quinn laughed, tilting in his stool slightly. 

‘’For fucking anything that moves?’’ V frowned. 

‘’Hey, music is good. But mostly now people know him as some big hard living rockerboy. Eternally youthful and everything.’’ Quinn gestured with his beer in hand. V felt a surge of annoyance. She’d seen Johnny’s memories, knew what he wanted to be known for. It wasn’t for chasing tail and the surface level of his music. He wanted to be remembered for the message in the music, which was subjective depending on your own point of view, sure. But she knew what he had been trying to say. What he had been trying to do with it all. 

‘’Yeah, sure.’’ V set her chin on her hand, watching Johnny on stage again. He saw her, giving her a nod, and she waved back, wearing a weak smile. 

  
  


As soon as they’d finished with their encores, Kerry was pulling Johnny off into the green room. Vincent trailing close behind, probably wondering what was happening. ‘’You really gonna let her date guys in front of you? What the fuck, Johnny? Thought you were gonna tell her.’’ 

‘’Fuck off. Ain’t none of your business.’’ Johnny shot back. Just like old times. 

‘’Oh, but it is my business. Who do you think is gonna have to pick up the pieces after you get your fuckin’ heart broken? If you fuck this up V isn’t gonna be there for you. Just me and lemme tell you my patience ain’t what it used to be.’’ 

‘’Hey, Kerry, maybe-‘’ Vincent started, but was cut off. Johnny reared up, finger pointing square at Kerry. 

‘’Treatin’ me like some gonk kid!’’ 

‘’Well then stop actin’ like one! Tell her how you fuckin’ feel! I can’t fuckin’ stand this!’’ 

‘’Why the fuck do you care?’’ 

‘’I care about both of you! I want it to work! Perfect for each other - too fuckin’ stupid to admit it! This has gone too far, Johnny. Other people could get hurt, not just you or her anymore. Some other gonk might fall for her, you’ll be fucking them over, too!’’ 

‘’Need more time. Not ready.’’ Johnny rubbed his chin, looking down at the floor. Kerry softened, seeing the same kid from all those years back. When they’d first met sometimes he could glean just the type of kid Johnny had been before life had fucked him over.

‘’I can’t lose you again, Johnny. It was too hard the first time. You’ve come so fuckin’ far. You need help, I can give it. But this shit is self-destructive. The same way the pills were, same way all the other drugs we took were. Just switched one addiction for another. Might not feel like it, but that’s what it is.’’ Kerry set a hand on his shoulder, wanting to say more but holding himself back. He’d said enough for now. 

‘’Great show, guys!’’ V entered the green room, Quinn trailing behind her, beer in hand. Tension broken, but still in the air. 

‘’Thanks, V. Gonna introduce your friend?’’ Kerry was already composed, Johnny turning around and pinching the bridge of his nose before taking a breath and turning back. 

‘’It’s so cool to meet you, Mr. Eurodyne. Huge fan.’’ Quinn offered his hand, and Kerry shook it. 

‘’Hear that, V. Man has taste.’’ Kerry winked at her, V and Vincent both laughing at the same time. 

‘’And Mr. Silverhand, too. Night City legends.’’ Quinn offered his hand to Johnny, receiving a shake from him as well. 

V sat back and let them talk, her gaze wandering over to Johnny, who didn’t look exactly happy to be there. Probably wanting to show her that backstage treatment he’d talked about earlier. He realized she was looking at him, eyes meeting as Quinn launched into a story about his old clan. V shot him a soft smile, thinking about how good it had felt in his arms earlier. She’d never really thought about how his arms would be good for hugs. Liked the way they looked when he’d fold them behind his head. Made her feel relaxed, like because he was at ease she could be, too.

‘’Should probably get going. Got a long ride home.’’ Quinn nudged V, looking at her curiously. 

‘’Yeah, had a great time. I’ll call you. Let me show you out.’’ She snapped out of it, moving to guide him back out of the green room, glancing back at Johnny before they disappeared towards the exit. 

‘’See that shit, Vincent? She’s giving him fuck-me eyes while her date was right there. Fuckin’ priceless.’’ Kerry laughed bitterly, shaking his head. ‘’We’re leaving.’’ 

‘’Kerry, c’mon-‘’ Johnny started, but was cut off. 

‘’Think about what I said. Tell her, Johnny. Take advice from an old man, regrets ain’t a good thing. Heavy on the heart. Hard to shake.’’ Kerry relaxed slightly when Vincent slung his arm around his shoulder, the both of them heading out as well. Johnny looked at himself in the mirror, seeing a sweaty mess staring back at him. Running a hand through his hair, pushing it back. 

‘’Good show. After party looks a little sparse, though.’’ V stepped back in, Johnny noting that she turned the lock before walking to him. They both looked in the mirror, eyes on each other. 

‘’So, how’d the date go?’’ 

‘’Quinn was nice. Perfectly fine guy.’’ V shrugged.

‘’Just borin’ as all hell.’’ Johnny raised his eyebrows. Wished he had a cigarette, nerves still fried from thinking V would fall for that gonk. 

‘’Compared to you, yeah. Couldn’t tell if it was a bad thing. Sometimes boring is nice.’’ 

‘’But it ain’t your style, V. Need someone who makes borin’ feel like somethin’ special.’’ 

‘’There it is, the ol’ Silverhand romantic advice. Should take out a column in the screamsheets.  _ ‘Call Johnny and he’ll help your love dreams come true!’ _ .’’ They both laughed, V looking down and running a hand through her own hair. ‘’He knew you better for chasing tail than for anything else, Johnny. Fucking scared the shit out of me.’’ 

‘’Who cares what some gonk thinks about me. Shouldn’t care, V.’’ Johnny frowned at her. 

‘’Just...frustrates me.’’ Her head tilted down slightly, not looking straight at him anymore. 

‘’Been in this fuckin’ biz long enough to know the only thing that matters is stayin’ true to what you believe. Your real chooms’ll know what ya were about. Carry the memory for ya.’’ 

‘’Just makes me think of what would’ve happened. If you’d not been able to come back to your body. If you’d have been left as a footnote. If only I’d known the real you, after all of that. Remember the oilfields, you saying you felt so scared waking up thinking I was gone. Well, I thought  _ ‘what if I wake up, he’s gone and this is all anyone ever remembered him for? Fucking and fighting.’’  _ V rubbed her forehead, not wanting to start crying. 

‘’V..Don’t have to worry about my legacy. What I’ve done. I was happy with my last act bein’ savin’ your sorry hide. Managed to put pay to that, and now I’m just a rockerboy with a fucked-up past.’’ 

‘’Just...Glad I get to know the other side of you.’’ 

‘’V, would you have still saved me? If I was still the same fucked-up gonk you met in the beginning?’’ Johnny’s tone softened. Watching her as she replied. 

V held his gaze, and he thought she was going to think about it for a while longer. ‘’Yeah. Misty said we were two souls and I trusted her. I wanted to save you because I thought you deserved another chance.’’ 

Johnny’s expression was unreadable for V, like he was staring wrestling between so many different emotions at once. 

She took his hand, pulling him to her gently. ‘’Gonna show me what goes on backstage? Don’t think you had heart to hearts like this with groupies.’’ Smile back on her lips. 

‘’Nah. Never fuckin’ talked just used each other.’’ 

‘’Kept thinking of how I’d rather be back here with you.’’ Johnny’s hands paused, V watching him. Her hands moved instead, pulling him closer until she could kiss him. His hand cupping her jaw, arm pulling her closer against him. Made her breathless, feeling that sharp something again. 

Johnny pulled back slightly, hands pulling her clothes off. Nobody could really walk in on them, but the thrill of being found made V’s body hum with excitement. Helping Johnny with his clothes, and then he was turning her to face one of the mirrors, metal arm tilting her chin up so she could look at herself. Body toned from constantly running and fighting. Covered in scars with one tattoo on her forearm. 

‘’Let me set the pace. Wanna do this slowly. Try and keep your hips still for a sec.’’ A kiss pressed to her cheek, then over her shoulder. Johnny moved her hips so he could grind himself against her. ‘’Always go so fast. Fuckin’ jumpin’ on my dick like the world is gonna end.’’ 

‘’Feels so good inside. Just want to feel you.’’ V sighed, watching him in the mirror. She’d thought she’d feel embarrassed, seeing herself like this. But Johnny’s eyes took her in with lust, that look like he thought she was a goddess. Reverent. 

‘’Never get to watch your face as I slide into you slowly, s’always quick. Think I’d like to see that.’’ Eye contact made through the mirror, his organic hand snaking down to rub in-between her folds, his breath catching in his throat. ‘’Fuckin’ soaked already. That for me?’’ 

V nodded, pressing her lips together and humming. ‘’Told you, was imagining being back here with you.’’ 

‘’Even when loverboy was there?’’ Johnny smirked, smug satisfaction radiating from him. Fingers still exploring, groaning when he felt how easily she opened up for him. Her hips pressing against his hand, whimpering at the change in pressure. 

Johnny spread her legs apart a little more with his foot, bending her forward a little more. Her body shuddering when he slid his cock up and down in-between her folds. Seeing her hands clenched into fists as she supported herself against the counter. 

‘’Look up for me, wanna watch you.’’ Johnny looked up, meeting V’s eyes in the mirror as he slowly started pushing inside her. Breath catching in his throat again, his name moaned from her lips. He didn’t know how she blushed even more, but she did. Had never seen herself like this before, pupils blown wide and skin so flushed. He moved a little so he could talk against her ear, still watching her as he slid inside. ‘’Look borin’ to ya, V? This is what I see. Never gettin’ tired of this.’’ His voice rough, kissing her neck before resting his chin on her shoulder. Another moan from her, feeling her muscles clench around him, shocking a groan out of him. 

V pressed her hips back slightly, Johnny stilling her, shit-eating grin on his face. ‘’Thought I said I was controllin’ the pace. Always trynna go fast.’’ 

‘’Please. Need it. Please.’’ One of her hands moved back to grab his thigh. 

‘’Slow, V.’’ Johnny moved to kiss her, pulling back to watch until he was finally fully inside. Could feel V’s thighs shaking slightly against him, but she still had her eyes on him in the mirror. ‘’See? Felt good, hmm?’’ 

‘’Mhhm.’’ V nodded, letting her eyes shut. Johnny moved his hips back, almost pulling out completely before slamming back into her. Earned a gasp from her, nails digging into his thigh. He kept a slower pace, every now and then snapping his hips harder into her. V opened her eyes and watched him in the mirror, brow furrowed in concentration. Rough hands gripping her, a cry falling from her when he slammed into her suddenly again. ‘’Gonna fucking kill you.’’ V laughed breathlessly, gritting her teeth. Johnny laughed as well, positioning so he could kiss her deeply, setting a rougher pace. 

He let her hip go, feeling her thrust back against him. ‘’This what you need?’’ He murmured against her lips. Feeling her clench around him, shaky moan escaping her. Johnny reached around to rub her clit roughly with his organic hand, V’s own hand moving back to grab his thigh again while he watched her come, her hips pressed back as hard as she could against him.

He bit down on her neck to muffle his own noises, spilling inside of her, hands gripping her hips so she stayed pressed as close as she could be, slumping slightly as he kissed her neck, hand moved to hold her against him. Staying like that for a little while, V moving first, heading into the bathroom. 

  
  


‘’I should’ve mentioned it earlier, but are you and Kerry okay? Kind of felt like walking into an argument earlier. You looked pretty pissed off.’’ V only remembered to ask once they were about to sleep. 

Johnny looked over at her, arms folded behind his head. ‘’Just some shit about the way we played.’’ 

‘’Huh. Vincent seems pretty sweet. For a tough guy he blushes pretty easy.’’ V laughed. 

‘’Could say the same for you. ‘Cept for the guy part’’ 

‘’Yeah, you could. Not gonna deny that.’’ V rolled on her back, they were in Johnny’s room. There were some framed Samurai posters, and he was a little messier with his clothes but otherwise they had similar bedrooms. ‘’You made me feel really good earlier. Like, about myself. I was terrified when you put me in front of that mirror. But it all just kind of...I don’t know.’’ 

‘’Know how to make ya feel good. N’more ways than one. Bein’ inside your head gave me insight.’’ 

‘’What about you?’’ 

‘’What about me?’’ 

‘’Do I make you feel good?’’ 

‘’V, c’mon.’’ 

‘’It’s a serious question!’’ 

‘’’Course ya do. Always did get a rush from gettin’ someone to want to fuck me.’’ 

‘’I do stroke your ego on occasion.’’ 

‘’Among other things, yeah.’’ 

‘’Johnny.’’ 

‘’V.’’ 

‘’Goodnight.’’ 

‘’Sweet dreams.’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna go more in-depth for the gig part but uh I haven’t been to see any bands for about a decade now. Last gig I went to was My Chemical Romance and my most vivid memories are of me having to hop up and down to see the stage because everyone around me was taller.  
> Next chapter: more drama!


	6. i’m not in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a lil longer than usual, I’ve been working out more and I’ve been wiped out by the time I get home!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support! Reading all the comments is so lovely, people praising parts of my writing that I’m always insecure about. It means so much to me ❤️
> 
> Song for the chapter title is ‘I’m Not In Love’ by 10CC.

Johnny resolved to keep clear of Kerry, bailing on their weekly jam session and instead helping V out on a gig. He knew Kerry would be pissed with him, but Johnny didn’t want to deal with it. He wanted to just keep things with V as they were for a while longer. They worked well together, taking out some gangoons and retrieving a stolen car. Reminded him of being in her head, with the added plus of not having her possible impending death weighing over him. 

He’d promise himself that he would tell her. Something in his mind was telling him that it would all go wrong. He’d ruin what they had. What Kerry said still came back to him every now and then, that he’d traded addictions for a new one. Wondering if it was true and the rush he got from it all was affecting his reasoning. V didn’t seem to notice, and hadn’t acquired another date. She’d mentioned about meeting up with Vincent, Johnny encouraging her but balked when she said he should see Kerry as well. 

‘’Johnny, are you sure everything is okay with Kerry? You haven’t been over there since the show.’’ She’d been scrolling her holo when she asked. No doubt having been messaging him since the show. 

‘’S’only been a week. Figure he’s havin’ a nice holiday.’’ He couldn’t hide the bitter edge to his tone. 

‘’Well, I’m gonna go over there. Want me to say hi from you?’’ 

‘’Yeah, sure. Tell him I’ll see him soon.’’ Johnny didn’t know if he would. But he didn’t want V worrying about it. 

  


‘’So, how did you meet Kerry?’’ V was seated in the Eurodyne mansion, everything a lot cleaner than when she’d first visited. There wasn’t a line of coke on the table she sat in front of. Vincent was sitting opposite, a can of NiCola in hand. V had one of the lemonades she usually chose. Same decadent marble finishings and abundant artwork surrounding them, Vincent had mentioned Kerry was meeting with some record execs that day for lunch. 

‘’I was sent here to watch him. One of his security details dropped the ball, so I was his personal bodyguard for a couple days.’’ Vincent’s cheeks grew slightly pink, that blush V had seen before. 

‘’That’s really cute. So did you jump in front of any bullets for him?’’ V was only half-joking. 

‘’Na, just chased away some kids who were trynna spray paint the wall. Mostly we just listened to his music and talked about our lives. He obviously has a lot more stories to tell.’’ Vincent rubbed the back of his neck, not looking at V directly. 

‘’But you’re happy just listening?’’ 

‘’Yeah.’’ 

‘’If I had to imagine someone who was perfect for Kerry, I would say that was the one thing they’d have to have. He likes talking, sharing how he feels.’’ V remembered how he had talked with her on that boat, playing that soft song he eventually released. But before that it was just a hum, one she had stuck in her head for days afterwards. 

‘’What about you? Got your eye on anyone?’’ Vincent had been told by Kerry not to say anything about Johnny. V gave him a soft smile, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. 

‘’You met Johnny, right?’’ 

‘’Yeah. Seemed like a nice enough guy. Kerry told me you two are...y’know.’’ Vincent made a rolling gesture with his hands. 

‘’Yeah. It’s pretty great.’’ V’s smile widened. 

‘’But he isn’t boyfriend material?’’ 

‘’I don’t think he wants to be anyone’s boyfriend. You know, rockerboy types have commitment issues.’’

‘’Thought about the same thing as you when I met Kerry. Rockerboy high off his ass, doesn’t want to settle. Just wants a physical thing. But then he started talking about it. How he feels like he missed having a family, how he loves his friends but wants someone he can depend on to come home to. Realized I want to be that for him.’’ Vincent was blushing again, V feeling that sharpness in her chest.

‘’Happy for you. Glad Kerry is in a better place.’’ V smiled. Her mind churning with thoughts of Johnny saying that to her. That he wanted a life with her, someone to come home to. She didn’t realize it would make her ache so much. 

‘’You okay, V?’’ Vincent questioned, seeing her space out. 

‘’Yeah, just got a lot of things on my mind. Got a big gig tomorrow, dangerous stuff. Hoping I don’t get my head blown off.’’ Thoughts turned to work, a glad distraction from her other thoughts. Even if she did want to submerge in those daydreams, it wasn’t helpful or polite to her present company. 

‘’If anyone can get it done, it’d be you. Was telling my fixer that I met you, she said you’re one of the best.’’ 

‘’Oh, would that be Rogue? I know she wouldn’t say something like that to my face.’’ V laughed. 

‘’Matter of fact she told me if I told you what she said she’d zero us both.’’ Vincent had a nice smile, it contrasted with the scars on his jaw, one over the bridge of his nose. He really was the opposite of Kerry in the way he presented himself. 

‘’Huh, guess my time really is up after all.’’ V shook her head, thinking of Rogue, her favourite fixer if she was being honest with herself. She would call her a friend, but then Rogue might really take her out. 

  


‘’Quinn told me all about it, V. Wondering why you even went on a date if you’re gonna ignore them most of the time.’’ Panam drummed her fingers on the diner table. V had called her up after leaving Kerry’s place, hoping they could grab a coffee and talk it over. 

‘’He just isn’t what I’m looking for. Should’ve told you that, I’m sorry Panam. I really do appreciate you putting in the effort.’’ V sipped at her coffee, looking out of the window again. 

‘’Apology accepted. Just...maybe you should talk with Johnny. Quinn said you had your eyes on him most of the time, V.’’ 

‘’They were playing a show, Panam.’’ 

‘’Look,’’ Panam grabbed her wrist, and it wasn’t exactly a gentle grip she had, ‘’not sure if you think I’m an idiot, or if you yourself are just the least observant person on this earth - but this isn’t how friends act.’’ 

‘’We’ve never been like ordinary friends.’’ V yanked her wrist back, frowning, looking up at Panam. 

‘’Yeah, I get it. But there is something there. I know you’re reluctant to say anything, but V pretending the problem isn’t there won’t make it go away. Imagine if you’d done that with the relic. Would be dead now.’’ Panam stared back at her. 

‘’Stakes are a little lower this time.’’ V looked down, rubbing her wrist. Didn’t really hurt, she just didn’t want to look at Panam directly. 

‘’V, tell me what’s going on.’’ Panam sighed. 

‘’I don’t know, Panam. Just stuck in my head, not really sure what I want.’’ 

‘’Well, what are you thinking about?’’ 

‘’Thinking about how I’m never going to feel like I’m enough. I just don’t believe I’m enough for him.’’ V still didn’t look up, still rubbing her wrist. 

‘’And why is that?’’ 

‘’Because how could I be, Panam? Quinn said it himself, Johnny fucked everything that moved. And I hated hearing it, but it was true. How do I know he isn’t just going to go back to being that way? I hate thinking about him in that way, but it could happen. I’m not deluded enough to think I’m so special.’’ 

‘’He hasn’t been with anyone since you started this, right? Hasn’t told you he wants to see other people?’’ 

‘’No. Keeps telling me that I’m enough. That he won’t get tired of me.’’ 

‘’You two really need to talk. And you need to be honest with yourself, V. I don’t think Johnny is the big problem here. Think you need to start realising that you’re worth something.’’ 

‘’You know, I was going to give my body to him. When I made that promise to take a bullet for him, when I realized maybe I wasn’t going to get out of this alive. Started making plans, and then I didn’t have to. Was glad I didn’t have to, made me realize how many people would have missed me. But I would have, Panam.’’ V looked up again, seeing Panam’s sad expression. Knowing there was probably some pity in there made her feel worse. 

‘’I would’ve beaten the fuck out of him. Gotten you back somehow. You need time, you take it, V. But please talk to him. If you need to stay with me for a little while, get your head straight, you can. It’s not easy living with someone, especially when you’re all tangled up like this.’’ Panam took her hand gently, squeezing it. 

‘’Might take you up on that. A holiday sounds nice.’’ V smiled, squeezing Panam’s hand back. 

  


It was dark by the time V got home, letting herself in and immediately struck with the smell of food. Her eyes moved to the kitchen, seeing pans on the stove. ‘’Johnny? Is something cooking?’’. The sight itself was shocking, the only food they usually had was from the vending machine, out of the microwave or in a delivery bag. 

‘’It ain’t burnin’, is it?’’ He got up from the sofa, moving to remove one of the lids and peer inside. V stared at him like he’d grown a third eye on his forehead. 

‘’Food is cooking. In our kitchen.’’ 

‘’I’m aware.’’ Johnny looked over at her, placing a colander into the sink. 

‘’You’re cooking food. In the kitchen.’’ V drew slightly closer, curious about whatever was in those pans. 

‘’It’s fuckin’ spaghetti. Sauce came out of a jar.’’ Johnny gestured airily towards a glass jar on the counter. 

‘’Sure. Okay. When’s it ready?’’ V stayed close, but gave him enough space to work. 

‘’Now. Was just waitin’ on you.’’ Dumping the pasta into the colander, it became apparent that he’d made enough food for their neighbours, too. V didn’t say anything, she just grabbed two plates, handing them over to him. 

‘’So what’s the occasion?’’ 

‘’Nothin’. Just felt like eatin’ something that wasn’t out of that fuckin’ machine.’’ Johnny piled pasta and sauce on a plate, handing it to V. 

‘’Thanks.’’ She took the plate, going to sit on the sofa. Still confused, but pleasantly surprised by the food. He’d even thrown some synthmeat in there.

‘’Good?’’ Johnny sat beside her, looking over. 

‘’It’s good. Unexpected, but nice.’’ V smiled, ‘’Might be too much food here for me, though.’’ 

‘’Can always heat it up tomorrow.’’ 

‘’True. Been a while since we had leftovers that weren’t pizza.’’ 

They fell into a companionable silence, just eating until they were full. Johnny cleared away the plates, V moving to go start filling the bathtub. ‘’Got some stuff from Misty. Salts n oils.’’ Johnny held out the bag, V remembering him telling her he’d asked for something. 

‘’And candles. You want to get in with me?’’ 

‘’Na, got some shit to look at. Kerry’s talkin’ about a tour. Ya enjoy it.’’ Johnny left the room, shutting the door behind himself. V took one of the candles out, smelling it before setting it on the side of the bathtub. She used some of the oils, not wanting to use salts when she still had some cuts and bruises from her last gig. Alone with her thoughts, she could try and parse what she would say to Johnny. If she would say anything. 

Dipping under the water, V shut her eyes. Everything was muffled and comforting, the world drowned out. When she came back up again, she could hear music playing from the main room. Not guitar, probably the radio or one of Johnny’s records. She laid her head on the side of the tub, listening for a while before she finally got up and dried off. Slipping her bathrobe on, she blew out the candles and brushed her teeth, wandering out to see Johnny scrolling through his holo on the sofa. 

‘’Everything go well with Kerry?’’ V questioned, sitting next to him. 

‘’Yeah. Tour is getting worked out. Not exactly fuckin’ jumpin’ for joy over it.’’ Johnny looked up at her. 

‘’Huh. Thought you’d enjoy getting to play in somewhere other than Night City for once.’’ V offered a smile. She’d been to just about every bar they could fit the band in. 

‘’Cities just blur together after a while. Least they did when I got fucked up every night.’’ Johnny looked back at his holo, sighing. 

‘’Gonna miss you. This mean our arrangement is gonna end?’’ V felt her heart beating quicker, pressing her lips together. 

‘’V, c’mon. Can still fly ya out to see me.’’ He rolled his eyes. 

‘’For sex? That’s a lot of money to waste.’’ V laughed. 

‘’Na, so I can fuckin’ see you. Gonk.’’ Johnny shook his head. Watching V as she stood, walking over to the window. The amount of times she’d stared out of the window at her old place, watching rain or just enjoying the cityscape at night. The both of them staring out into the dark together when he’d been in her head - seeing people still moving around them, the city undying and unfaltering. 

There were so many things she wanted to say, none of them appealing. Everything just led back to that ache in her chest, the twist of nerves in her stomach. She didn’t flinch when his arms wound around her waist, face buried in her neck. V was acutely aware that she was just running from her problems. Not physically running, but it was the same thing. And she’d feel even worse after, lying there with Johnny hoping he wanted something she knew he’d never want. 

But when he kissed her, she forgot about that. Turning fully so they were facing each other, his hands dipping into her robe, smoothing over her body. The only thing left was that ache in her chest, and she could deal with that. Kisses trailed down her neck, letting him push the robe off of her. She would’ve let him fuck her up against the window, but instead he lifted her, practiced at doing it now. A giggle escaped her when she remembered him almost hitting the doorway the first time. 

Johnny always preferred her room, V didn’t know why and she wasn’t about to ask once she was on her back on her bed, watching him pull his shirt off. She sat up, tugging him closer by his belt, moving back so he could kneel on the bed. Her hands on the side of his face, pulling him down on top of her and into a deep kiss. 

His hands resumed their tour of her body while they kissed, roughly massaging her breasts, making her back arch up into his hands. ‘’Want you on top. Love watchin’ you fuck me.’’ Johnny murmured against her mouth. 

‘’Fucking pillow princess.’’ V laughed, letting him move her so she was straddling his hips. 

‘’Ain’t like I don’t participate at all, V.’’ Lazy smile from where he was lying, making her chest ache again. V got to work removing his pants, trying to push the feelings away. 

‘’Why is it I’m always naked before you are?’’ V pushed his pants the rest of the way off, puffing a piece of hair out of her eyes. 

‘’Your clothes’r easier to take off.’’ Johnny smoothed his hands over her hips and thighs, eyes taking her in as reverent as ever. V smiled, starting a slow grind against him, breath catching in her throat as his cock ran in-between her folds, hand reaching in-between them so she could press the tip against her clit, grinding a little harder. ‘’Fuck, V.’’ 

‘’Always get to this point and just want to push you inside of me. Think I should?’’ V bit her lip, feeling his hands grip her harder. 

‘’Fuck yeah. Do it.’’ Johnny’s brows furrowed, eyes gone already. Immersed in lust, consumed by her. V smirked down at him, looking down as she smeared his precum against her clit and her own slick, moaning softly. ‘’Fuck. Just fuckin’ do it. V, please.’’ Hands even tighter on her hips, V was sure he would bruise her. Pain mixing with the deep pleasure from her grinding. 

‘’So impatient. What was it you said before? Jumping on your dick like the world is going to end. Maybe I should go slow.’’ V positioned him at her entrance, starting to sink down on him as slow as possible. It took all of her self control not to just give him what he wanted, arching her back slightly as he stretched her. Beautiful pressure making her grab ahold of his arm, thighs already shaking again. 

Watching him watch her, his eyes half-lidded, hands still gripping her tightly. Head tilting back slightly once he was fully inside of her, string of curse words making her laugh a little. V moved slowly, grinding back and forth, biting her lip to stifle her noises, experimentally tightening around his cock, drawing a deep groan out of him. ‘’V, c’mon. Please.’’ 

‘’Please? Please what?’’ 

‘’Fuckin’ move!’’ His hips bucked up, V gasping, steadying herself and pinning his hips down. 

‘’Johnny, that wasn’t very nice.’’ 

‘’I’ve never fuckin’ teased you like this, V. C’mon.’’ 

‘’Relax, let me take over. You wanted me to have control, right?’’ Soft smile, completely still. Johnny glared at her for a moment, covering his face with his arm. 

‘’Fuck, okay!’’ 

‘’You’ll be good?’’ 

‘’Yes! Okay! Fuck!’’ His desperate tone made her want to laugh again, but she kept her cool. 

V leaned forward slightly, moving his arm off of his face so she could kiss him. Feeling him relax under her, slowly starting to rise and fall. Moaning back at each other in their fevered open-mouth kiss. Hand moving back to her hip to help her, his own hips bucking involuntarily.

‘’Sorry, s’hard not to.’’ Muttered against her lips. Made her heart warm slightly, quickening her bouncing a little in reply. It was harder for her to keep her pace with her thighs shaking the way that they did, feeling boneless already. Johnny moved to help her more, strong arms taking most of her weight, V imagining what it looked like, him basically working her over his cock. It made her tighten around him, earning a groan from him in reply. 

V sat back slightly, a new angle forcing him to hit a spot inside that made her cry out. Reaching in-between them to rub her clit, Johnny watching her as she came on top of him, bringing her into another kiss. He wasn’t thinking anymore, just wanted to hold her close while his hips bucked into her, his own release spilling inside of her. ‘’Fuckin’ love ya, V. Fuckin’ love this.’’ The words came out and for a moment he didn’t really register them. When they did, his whole body stiffened, V saw him visibly tense, his arms quickly guiding her to lay on the bed. 

‘’Hey, Johnny, s’okay. Sex makes people say weird shit.’’ V tried to ignore the way her heart was hammering in her chest. Love. He’d said he loved her, even if he was mid-orgasm at the time. 

‘’Yeah, yeah. Gimme a moment.’’ He’d never gotten up so quickly afterwards, usually they’d just lie together or fall asleep. Johnny was pulling his clothes back on, not looking at her. 

‘’You don’t have to go.’’ V frowned. 

‘’Yeah, think I do. Need to go clear my head.’’ 

‘’Like I said, it’s no big deal.’’ 

‘’Just gotta get outta here. Don’t wait up for me, yeah?’’ 

‘’Johnny, we should just talk.’’

‘’Nothin’ to talk about.’’ He was out of the room, she could hear him walking around before the front door opened and shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading about the food in Night City, I understand why Takemura went off all the time. It physically hurt me to write about that jar of spaghetti, just imagining the lack of seasoning. 
> 
> Also this hurt in other ways while I was writing! Pain!


	7. dead in the water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song 'Dead in the Water' by Ellie Goulding, it is like one of my main V/Johnny songs.  
> So many lovely comments! Love hearing what everyone thinks!  
> I'm a lil....not great at writing action, so bear with me. This is also a lil shorter than the other chapters.

V stopped by Vik’s the next morning, eating a bowl of cereal and sitting on his chair while he worked on a set of metal jaws for a patient. It was comforting, watching his hands deftly connect wire and metal together. 

‘’So, pretty quiet this morning.’’ He glanced over at V after he’d managed to work out a problem with the mandible hinge. 

‘’Rough night. Had a nightmare.’’ V paused, about to say more but deciding to keep eating instead. 

‘’Wanna talk about it?’’ Vik sat back slightly from his work. Kind, worried eyes looking over at her. V was so glad to have him there for her. Like the father she’d never had, and it hurt her that she’d caused him so much distress while she was grappling with the effects of the relic. Having to watch her deteriorate had taken a toll on him, and now he was looking a lot better. Easier smiles, not more dark circles under his eyes.

‘’Not yet. Just happy to watch you work, Vik. Got that big job today. Asked a friend to help out.’’ 

‘’Oh yeah?’’ 

‘’Name’s Vincent - he’s dating Kerry Eurodyne. Don’t think I’m in the right headspace to get the work done without getting my head blown off.’’ V scrolled through her holo, checking to see if Vincent had replied to her message yet. A little thumbs up emoji told her had, followed by a short message asking where and when they would meet up. 

‘’Sounds like a good idea. You sure you don’t want to talk about anything else?’’ 

‘’I’m sure. I appreciate it though, Vik.’’ V offered a smile, a weak one but it was enough. She sent the information Vincent requested, including the briefing data that Rogue had given her. 

‘’Any time.’’ Vik smiled back, resuming his work. 

  


‘’You are a fuckin’ mess, get the fuck up before I get my robot butler to throw you into the pool.’’ Kerry nudged Johnny with his foot. He’d crashed on the sofa at some point in the night, curling up reflexively. 

‘’Fuck off. Lemme sleep.’’ Johnny’s hand weakly batted the air in-between him and Kerry. 

‘’What’d I tell you? First sign of somethin’ and you come cryin’ to me.’’ Kerry grabbed his legs, dragging them off the sofa so he could sit beside him. 

‘’Ya really gonna say ‘I told ya so’? Really?’’ Johnny sat up, looking over at Kerry with an expression that made him regret being so cut and dry. His choom was hurting, and he could be there for him in his hour of need. Many hours of need. 

‘’No. Just needed you upright. So, what’s happened?’’ Kerry watched his old friend. 

‘’Can’t just crash over here? Need a story?’’ Johnny glared. 

‘’It’s been months since you crashed. You got that same look I saw whenever you fucked up as a kid. Y’know, shit that made you feel bad.’’ 

‘’Told V I loved her-‘’ Johnny started.

‘’Hey! Finally! Why’d you look like that, then?’’ Kerry interrupted, throwing his hands up. 

‘’Said it while we were fucking, Kerry.’’ 

‘’ _ Oh _ .’’ Kerry shook his head, reaching for the cigarette case on the coffee table. He offered one to Johnny, who gladly took it. 

‘’Caught up in the moment. Made her dinner, let her relax with some of her bath shit. Was gonna talk it over.’’ Johnny gestured, hand smoothing through the air. Kerry shook his head. 

‘’Let your dick do the talking instead.’’ Kerry laughed. Johnny shot him a glare, rubbing his forehead pensively. 

‘’Look, lot of guys say it during sex.’’ 

‘’She wanted to talk, I was fuckin’ scared. Got out of there, left her alone. Fucked up as per usual.’’ 

‘’Johnny, you gotta fuckin’ say something. She can’t see what’s in your fuckin’ head anymore. Now or never. And then it’s done, whatever happens it’s out there and you two can work it out.’’ Kerry glanced around, hearing Vincent walking around. ‘’Vincent is doing a job with V today - maybe he can get her to come back with him. You two talk it out or something.’’ 

‘’Fuck, Kerry, I’m fuckin’ scared!’’ Johnny snapped. 

‘’Lemme get this straight - you raided Arasaka tower  _ twice _ . Two times, Johnny.’’ Kerry held up two fingers. ‘’And telling the girl who has already been fucking you that you have feelings for her has got you here, tail between your legs.’’ 

‘’Different situation.’’ 

‘’Johnny, from what Vincent told me, she likes you, too. Said she had this dreamy look when she talked about you.’’ 

‘’Kerry, stop.’’ 

‘’It’s true! Didn’t want to tell you for her, but I think she feels the same way. Or at least could feel the same way. C’mon, Johnny.’’ 

‘’It is true. She thinks you just want to fuck around until the end of time. You want to tell her you’re serious.’’ Vincent walked over, geared up to go. 

‘’Look at you, fuckin’ Action Man.’’ Kerry grinned, taking Vincent’s hand for a moment. Vincent leaned down to kiss him before heading out of the door.

‘’I’ll get my shit together. Tell her tonight.’’ Johnny sighed. 

‘’Halle-fuckin’-lujah.’’ Kerry patted Johnny on the shoulder. 

  
  


V met with Vincent outside of Viktor’s clinic, since it was close enough to the All Food plant. V drove them in her Galena G240, not wanting to attract any attention. ‘’Saw Johnny this morning. Looked pretty rough.’’ Vincent mentioned. 

‘’Yeah. Don’t really want to talk about it. Sorry, Vincent.’’ V’s hands tightened on the steering wheel slightly. 

‘’Not a problem. I’m here if you want to talk, though.’’ Vincent watched Watson roll by around them. The Northside Industrial District was even greater than the other parts of Watson. The All Foods plant, having changed hands again to the Tyger Claws, was sporting a brand new set of graffiti that made passersby know exactly which gang had set up shop there. 

A tiger with wide, hunted eyes and flames licking around it. V studied it for a moment, before parking a little ways away from the entrance. Vincent got out first, staying close to the wall with his pistol in hand. V followed, remembering that she’d packed the Malorian and grimacing as she felt the weight of it in her hand. 

‘’I’ll take out security first. You stay behind for a sec and we’ll take cover together.’’ 

‘’Sure.’’ Vincent nodded, watching her stay low as she followed along the wall, taking out each visible security camera first. Next, she enabled a friendly fire mode on the nearby turrets, smiling when it shuddered into life and began shooting at a nearby grunt patrolling the yard. 

‘’Thought this was gonna be more difficult. More guards on the outside, at least.’’ V spoke quietly as they took cover just before entering the building. 

‘’Might be way more inside. We just clearing out the building?’’ 

‘’Yep. Been causing trouble for Rogue, she didn’t offer much info about the weapons they took but she’s willing to pay preem eddies.’’ V explained. 

‘’I did read the info you sent.’’ 

‘’Huh. Never had a partner actually do that.’’ V laughed quietly, moving forward towards the side door. It led into a small office, which then led into the larger body of the building. V jacked into the computer, using the security cameras that were still active inside in order to get a good look at what was waiting for them. 

Vincent sifted through some of the scattered paperwork, nothing really catching his eye. All of it was from the days of All Foods being a slaughterhouse. 

‘’Got a big group in the basement level. They’re idle for now. Can get the drop on them if we’re careful.’’ V cycled through the cameras. 

‘’What about the main floor?’’ Vincent questioned. 

‘’Three patrol units. They have more turrets in there.’’ V moved over slightly so he could see the computer display. 

‘’That seems like way too much for what Rogue said they have. They stole some guns from her, not like they actually got anything worth that much.’’ 

‘’Probably some other stuff. Maybe hostages, maybe just important gangoons.’’ 

‘’You told Wakako about this, yeah? None of her boys are here?’’ 

‘’Nope. She called a meeting with them. Should all be at her place right now.’’ V jacked out, switching to her precision rifle. More kickback, but that was the price she had to pay if she wanted more power. Vincent changed weapons as well, opting for a sniper rifle. 

‘’Prefer to keep my distance. I’ll cover you, you can hit them with short bursts.’’ Vincent reasoned, gesturing for V to lead. 

‘’Good plan.’’ 

‘’Don’t say that til after we’re done, V. Bad luck.’’

‘’Got it. Fuckin’ shitty plan.’’ She laughed, leading the way down into the main section. 

They worked together well, picking off the gangoons with ease. Like Vincent had promised, he kept a fine cover, mostly taking chest shots and letting V finish them off. It made her feel better, knowing she could still do her job even amidst the turmoil her mind was in. Thinking of Johnny’s words, the way he’d just left here there, questioning everything. 

It wasn’t the time to sink back into her thoughts, but it was an alluring prospect. Basement almost cleared, they split up to take on the smaller divided sections. Each with gruesome mutilated hostages, some of whom had died mid-torture. V had to free a couple, letting them limp or run out of there, scanning around for anything else. 

‘’You finished?’’ Vincent asked, speaking before he appeared behind her. 

‘’One more section I think. Beyond that plastic curtain. Doesn’t look good.’’ 

‘’Saved a few people, V. Should feel good.’’ 

‘’Thought that was bad luck?’’ 

‘’We’re almost done here, anyway.’’ Vincent shrugged. He’d switched to his pistol again, V noticing the heart carved into the grip and smiling. 

‘’Did Kerry do that? The heart?’’ 

‘’Oh, yeah. Asked me to show him how to shoot properly. In case he ever needs to ‘protect me’. Think it was just a ploy to get me to put my arms around him while he practiced aiming.’’ 

V laughed, shaking her head softly. ‘’Such a sap.’’ 

They kept moving, peeling back the plastic sheeting. V felt a sense of unease. Vincent seemed to tense as well, setting a hand on her shoulder to stop her while he searched behind some partitions that had been set up. ‘’Hey, found another survivor.’’ He called out. 

V wandered round, switching to the Malorian again, there was someone in a tub filled with ice. Made her stomach clench with fear reflexively. Funny how the ice had such an effect on her, since she loved a warm bath. Just the sound of the ice cubes clinking made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. They were jacked in, body shuddering as sparks emitted from their jack point. 

‘’Careful, let me make sure they’re alright to unplug.’’ V held up a hand, moving to a nearby console and untangling the neural link. ‘’Okay, unplug them. Don’t know what they were doing to them.’’ Vincent pulled the jack out, carefully pulling the still-writhing body out of the tub. 

‘’There a gurney nearby?’’ Vincent asked. V glanced around, pulling one from where it’d been shoved into the corner. Still with a sheet on it, she directed it over to Vincent. 

‘’They’re in bad shape. Let’s get going.’’ V moved to help lift their torso, hooking her arms under theirs to help heave them onto the gurney. 

‘’Wait, hold on, eyes are opening.’’ Vincent let go of their legs, causing V to falter slightly when their full weight was against her. 

V always felt time slow before she got hit, grabbed or shot. But this time, she didn’t register what was happening until she felt something like a punch in her chest. A little gasp, her eyes moving down to see a blade protruding into her chest. 

‘’Fuck, V!’’ She heard Vincent shout, stumbling back slightly. 

‘’Don’t pull it out.’’ Her voice came out, but it didn’t feel like her. Sounded wet and congested, like she had a bad cough. Vincent couldn’t stop the blade from being pulled out of her, the body from the tub lashing out again, narrowly missing them both as they got up. Mantis blades, one glistening with blood as they reared up to attack again.

‘’Fuckin’ cyberpsychosis! V, get back!’’ Vincent yelled, popping off as many shots as he could. 

V did move, felt her legs backing up until she hit the wall, feeling blood pump in-between her fingers as she tried to put pressure on the wound. She could lift her gun with her other arm, but none of the shots connected. Slumping down, she watched Vincent fight, feeling the urge to cough. It was agony when she did, radiating through her whole chest. When she pulled her hand away from her mouth, it was covered in blood. Panic settling heavy in her chest. It was like a relic malfunction, like she was dying all over again. 

_ Embers. That fucking elevator. Johnny holding her wrists so tight, like he could pull her out of it.  _

_ Johnny. What had been the last thing he said to her? What did she say? Now he wouldn’t know how she felt. _

And just like when she’d had a malfunction, V felt darkness crowding her vision. Vincent crouched in front of her, features out of focus but she could hear his voice, sounding far away. No blue staccato glitches in her vision, just the dark seeping into every facet of her being until she was submerged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm sorry.


	8. i want you to love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hammered this out quick, hated leaving it on a cliffhanger last time! I'm sorry but this jumps around a lil bit, hope it still flows okay.  
> I did a lil bit of medical research - I'm gonna mention it more in the end notes to avoid spoilers, but sorry to any medical professionals who happen upon this. I probably urm...need to work on that aspect of my writing a bit more.  
> Title of the chapter is from 'I Want You To Love Me' by Fiona Apple. I've been listening to it a lot this year.  
> All of the comments! I love them all, really makes me smile that so many people are being supportive and lovely. Really got me writing quick, but the next chapter is probably gonna take a couple days. Just taking it a bit easier.

Vik had just finished his jaw commission and was sitting down with a cup of coffee, surveying the delicate work he had done. His quiet was interrupted as it so often had been lately, with a limp, bloodied body and a panicked person. In this case it was Vincent, carrying V in his arms. He set her down on the chair, Viktor not able to complain about not sterilising the field first. She looked so pale, the colour she had in her cheeks when he’d seen her that morning completely gone. Viktor quickly washed his hands, listening to Vincent. 

‘’Her chest - got stabbed by a mantis blade. Think she’s still breathing.’’ Vincent was covered in her blood, shrugging off his jacket. Rolling up his sleeves. 

‘’Wash your hands. Hurry up.’’ Viktor took her pulse before he peeled V’s jacket off, carefully cutting the fabric of her shirt so he could see the wound properly. ‘’How long ago was this?’’ 

‘’Ten minutes? I had to fight off a cyberpsycho, would’ve taken her straight here, but they would’ve cut my fuckin’ head off.’’ Vincent came over, freshly clean hands shaking slightly. ‘’Gave her an airhypo as soon as the threat was over.’’ 

‘’Deep breaths, kid. Got her here.’’ 

‘’What?’’ Vincent stared as Viktor got V hooked up to an IV drip and some blood. 

‘’Can take it from here, but might need some more help. From the sounds of her breathing, sounds like a punctured lung. Chest tubes are nasty.’’ 

‘’Should I call someone?’’ Vincent wrung his hands together, wanting to call Kerry. Just a familiar voice would have helped, his mind awash with replay after replay of their gig. What they did well, what they did wrong. He always liked to go over what he could do better. Had a laundry list now, namely don’t fuck with people in bathtubs filled with ice. ‘’Was my fault. I let go of the body, she took the full weight. Could’ve protected herself if-’’ 

‘’Hey, we all make mistakes. You did the best thing, getting her here to me. She’s tough - and I know she doesn’t blame you for this.’’ Viktor cut him off. 

‘’I’m...I’m gonna call my boyfriend. Is that okay?’’ Vincent could hear how shaky his own voice was. Sounded like a scared kid. Probably looked like one, too. 

‘’Yeah, sure. Just keep close by, yeah? Misty - she’s the blonde with the eye makeup - she might come over. Just tell her V is injured and I’m working on her.’’ Viktor turned his back on Vincent, who left the room. The noises of the city coming back like he’d been under water and just resurfaced. Comforting, familiar. 

Kerry answered after the first few rings, seeing Vincent’s expression and immediately sitting up a little in the frame. ‘’Hey - you okay?’’ 

‘’Yeah, yeah I’m fine. V got hurt, I took her to Viktor Vektor’s place. Kerry...fuckin’ mantis blade in her chest. Was my fault..fuck, I’m sorry. She’s your friend.’’ Vincent clasped a hand to the back of his neck, pacing. A cat skittered past, paws audibly pattering across the cardboard littered about the concrete floor. 

‘’Wait, slow down. She’s still breathing - yeah?’’ Kerry’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared into his holo, trying to process what was being said. 

‘’Yeah, still breathing.’’ Vincent nodded, feeling a little better. 

‘’Okay. Good. Fuck. Johnny’s in the shower. I’ll wait for him to come out. Fuckin’ gonk is gonna try and break down the door to that fuckin’ clinic.’’ Kerry sighed. 

‘’Should you tell him? Kerry, he’s gonna fuckin’ kill me.’’ Vincent’s hand moved to his forehead. 

‘’Have to fuckin’ tell him. I’d want to know if it was you that’d been hurt. Just have to try and break it to him easy. Fuck. Hate this shit. You keep me updated, yeah? We’ll head over after I tell him.’’

‘’Yeah, sure. I’ll be here.’’ Vincent ended the call, burying his face in his hand. 

  
  


‘’Never get used to that fuckin’ thing. Water comin’ from all fuckin’ angles.’’ Johnny was still drying his hair with a towel, looking better than he had earlier. Was about to look a lot worse, Kerry thought as he tried to parse words from his head. Thinking of what he would want to hear if it was him being told bad news. 

‘’Wanna sit down? Gotta talk.’’ Kerry gestured to the chair opposite. Johnny frowned, starting to pace instead. Of course he wouldn’t do as he was told. 

‘’What about?’’ 

‘’Just sit the fuck down.’’ Kerry snapped, pinching his nose. It was too early for a drink, and he was trying to cut down, anyway. But the temptation was there. Johnny finally planted his ass down, giving him a suspicious look. 

‘’Okay, got a call from Vincent while you were in the shower. Want you to just not freak out. He was on a gig with V, right? She got hurt. It’s pretty bad, but she’s at Vik’s clinic right now. He’s working on her, she’s still breathing. Safe.’’ Kerry held up his hands, like that would help at all. Johnny’s face went from no expression, to confusion and then panic. He stood back up again, Kerry had anticipated that. 

‘’Why’re we still fuckin’ here? Let’s go!’’ Johnny was heading for the garage.

‘’Hey, let me drive.’’ Kerry had to jog to keep up with him. 

‘’No.’’ Johnny was getting in his Porsche, somehow having not wrecked it the night before. Kerry got in quickly, wondering if he would have been left there if Johnny had not wanted to wait. 

‘’Try not to get us fuckin’ killed on the way, yeah?’’ 

Vincent was sitting against the wall by the clinic, looking down at the blood covering his shirt. Both from the gig and from V. Waiting by the door in case Vik needed him, and also in case Johnny decided to try and bust in. For a few moments Vincent wondered if he could call Kerry and tell him not to come over, but he wanted to see him. Wanted the comfort of having someone he knew there. His fingers idly tracing the heart carving that V had noticed on his gun, palm resting on his holster. 

‘’Vincent? You come in here?’’ Vik called out. Vincent entered the clinic again, paling when he saw the scalpel and metal clamp in Viktor’s hands. There was a metal tray with a long tube, and a canister with blue liquid inside. ‘’Need to to put her arm over her head, and hold her still like that. She might wake up, thrash around.’’ 

‘’Okay, what’re you doing?’’ 

‘’Gotta insert the tube, to do that I need to make another cut. Before that, I need to anesthetize the area in-between her ribs where I’m making the cut.’’ Viktor showed him the scalpel. ‘’Old school shit. Let’s get going.’’ Viktor showed Vincent how he wanted her arm, waiting until he had a hold of her to start. V made a noise in-between a wheeze and a grunt, Viktor frowning slightly as he injected in-between her ribs. Making sure he had the right spot before he made the cut. Vincent averted his eyes, hoping Kerry and Johnny didn’t show up while they were working. 

Opening the incision with the clamp, Viktor cursed softly. ‘’Sorry, kid. Vincent, hold her down.’’ He had to poke his finger inside to widen the hole properly, feeling V shift slightly. Had to push the clamp through, and that was the part that would really hurt. 

‘’Got her.’’ Vincent prepared himself, wincing when he heard V start screaming. She tried to thrash like a wounded animal, Viktor quickly pushing the tube in, waiting until she stopped screaming before suturing it in place. There was a canister beside the chair, he connected the tube to it, watching as bubbles formed in the canister window. 

‘’V? We’ve got you. Gonna give you something to make you sleep.’’ Viktor moved over to her, gently pushing some hair out of her face. She just breathed audibly, no longer a wet wheezing quality when she took in air. Viktor moved to give her a shot of something, Vincent leaving her arm where it was. 

‘’Johnny is coming with Kerry. Gonna go watch the door.’’ Vincent moved, stopped by Vik. 

‘’Thanks, kid. You did good. She’s gonna make it because of you.’’ 

‘’Hey, Johnny, wait a sec. Can’t just barge in while Vik’s trynna save her.’’ Kerry laid a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, trying to pull him back. They’d arrived not long after V’s chest tube had been put in, Vincent’s heart still hammering in his chest. Adrenaline making him slightly light-headed. 

‘’She’s stable. Just letting Vik monitor her. Don’t know if he wants Johnny in there or not.’’ Vincent blocked the doorway, trying to seem intimidating even if he was shorter than Johnny by a few inches. 

‘’Let me the fuck in. Vik might need help.’’ 

‘’You a trained professional? Didn’t think so.’’ Vincent snapped back, immediately regretting it as Johnny drew closer. He also felt like a hypocrite, seeing as he’d helped without being a trained ripperdoc.

‘’Where the fuck were ya when this was happening’, huh? Thought you were supposed to be makin’ sure she was alright. Didn’t do a very fuckin’ good job!’’ Johnny poked a finger into his chest painfully. 

‘’Johnny, c’mon. This isn’t helping.’’ Kerry took a hold of his arm gently. 

‘’The fuck it ain’t.’’ Johnny pushed Kerry back roughly, Vincent tangling in to grab Johnny and yank him away. It didn’t take long before punches were thrown between Vincent and Johnny, both of them landing with bloody noses on the dirty concrete floor. Kerry hooked his arms under Vincent’s, dragging him back away from Johnny. 

‘’C’mon, this is fuckin’ stupid. Viktor needs to work, can probably hear you two fighting out here. Give it a fuckin’ rest!’’ Kerry shouted, hoping he at least sounded stern enough to get them to listen. 

‘’Yeah, fuckin’ side with him over me. That’s the fuckin’ thanks I get!’’ Johnny pulled himself up using the wall nearby, wiping and smearing the blood from his nose. 

‘’Don’t fuckin’ make this about you. Was an accident. They both didn’t think the guy was dangerous, wanted to help him. Not Vincent’s fault you’re a fuckin’ gonk who can’t admit how he feels in a fuckin’ timely fashion.’’ 

‘’Ya think I did this?’’ Johnny snapped. 

‘’Of course fuckin’ not! You’re fucked up over it because you bailed on her, and whatever was said between you might have been the last thing she heard from you. More things left unsaid. Another person you lose without saying goodbye. I get it, but getting angry isn’t gonna help.’’ Kerry rubbed Vincent’s back, digging into his jacket for some tissues. 

‘’Just lemme sit next to her. Promise I won’t do anythin’.’’ Johnny leaned forward, letting the blood drip onto the ground. Kerry offered him a tissue, and he gladly took it. 

‘’Fine. Vik could probably knock you out anyway.’’ Kerry led Vincent towards Misty’s Escoteria. 

Johnny pushed himself away from the wall, heading into Vik’s. He remembered the last time he’d been in there for their check-up. V walked in with him, arm-in-arm, he couldn’t remember what they had been talking about. Just that they’d seen Misty after and had that reading. His chest tightening when he remembered later on, V kissing him softly in the bathtub until he felt light-headed. Her hands smoothing his wet hair back from his face. 

Vik had his back to him, leaning over V. Johnny didn’t know how to approach, but pushed himself to move anyway. Just one foot in front of the other until he was there, hand smoothing over V’s forehead, through her hair. 

‘’She’s gonna make it. Got a chest tube in, hurts like hell so had to give her a sedative.’’ Vik murmured. 

Johnny took one of her hands, squeezing gently, other hand still stroking through her hair. ‘’Just wanna be here. She has nightmares sometimes, have to do the same thing so she calms down.’’ 

‘’Sure. S’gonna take a while for her to recover. Not as long as it used to, but long enough. Gonna say it right now, Johnny. Since she might listen to you. Merc work is gonna catch up to her. Been lucky enough so far, but all the best ones end up in one of two places; in a club as a fixer or in the ground. Ain’t an easy life.’’

‘’And the relic already fucked her up pretty good.’’ 

‘’It’s a factor. Was gonna offer to teach her the tricks of the trade. Gotta go to night school along with it, but she could make a good ripperdoc. Cares about people enough.’’ Vik glanced at Johnny, who didn’t look over. Eyes stuck on V, like if he looked away she’d disappear. 

‘’I’ll talk to her about it.’’ 

‘’Sure.’’ Viktor returned to his work, the both of them falling silent. 

  


V didn’t perceive time while she was out, just felt like when she’d have the malfunctions. Like falling into nothingness before dragging yourself out. She felt a hand in hers, squeezing, feeling another hand smoothing through her hair. Johnny was there. 

Opening her eyes slowly, she was thankful she wasn’t blinded by surgical lights. Neons buzzed nearby, and she could see Vik sitting with his back to her, facing his computer screen. ‘’M’I live?’’ Her voice was weak, scratchy. Most of the pain was in her chest, remembering that there had been a blade sticking out of her. Viktor moved, but didn’t crowd her. Knew enough about being on the table himself.

‘’You’re alive. Fuckin’ take more ‘n that to kill ya.’’ Johnny spoke. She looked at him, feeling the need to check that he was actually there. Not just a voice in her head. 

‘’Vincent? He’s okay?’’ V frowned. Her voice betrayed how exhausted she felt, even after passing out for a long time. 

‘’He’s fine. You should rest some more.’’ 

‘’Johnny, don’t go.’’ Her hand squeezed his slightly. 

‘’You’re gonna wish ya told me to fuck off. Not leavin’ this fuckin’ chair.’’ Johnny gave her a smile, seeing her give a weak one in return, shutting her eyes.

  


V didn’t stay at the clinic long, seeing as she could recover from home. Had to wear the tube with a drain, which freaked her out. Being extra careful not to do anything to jostle the tube. Vik had told her she couldn’t have any baths for two weeks, just showers after her bandages were gone. She’d cried, pathetically letting herself curl up in Johnny’s arms in the clinic. All over her damn bath. 

It was tense, when they were both finally alone together. V smoothed her hands over her thighs, sitting on the other end of the sofa in their apartment. ‘’So why did you run off?’’ She was tired of wondering, and wanted to hear his answer. 

‘’V, c’mon. Don’t have to do this now.’’ Johnny sighed. 

‘’No, I want to do it. Need to know.’’ V stared at him, mouth pressed into a tight line.

‘’Wasn’t exactly lyin’. What I said, while we were…’’ Johnny gestured. 

‘’Just say it.’’ V’s tone was cutting, she was tired of him skirting around it. 

‘’I love ya, V. Have for a while.’’ Their eyes met, and Johnny felt that vulnerability that he had dreaded. The opening of his chest, the showing of the insides. And she could easily spit on him and tell him to fuck off. 

‘’Since when?’’ V looked away. 

‘’V…’’ Johnny sighed, burying his face in his hand. 

‘’Since when?’’ V repeated. 

‘’Since we got out of Mikoshi. Maybe before, dunno. Just...didn’t want to ruin this.’’ Johnny looked up, rubbing his jaw instead. 

‘’So when...when you came up with this whole friends with benefits thing, you were in love with me already?’’ V could hear the tears in her voice, even before they made their appearance. 

‘’Yeah.’’ He nodded, watching her expression break. He hated seeing her cry, had seen it enough before. Now it just reminded him of when she had been dying. 

‘’What the fuck, Johnny? What is this?’’ V swiped at her eyes. 

‘’I just...I just wanted to be with ya. Didn’t think it through, and then I didn’t want to give it up. Was right about knowing a new part of you, and now I don’t wanna give it up, V.’’ Johnny reached over, taking her hand. V let him hold it, overwhelming sadness in her eyes. 

‘’All this time, and you didn’t say anything to me? Johnny…’’ V buried her face in her free hand. 

‘’Wanted to. Almost did so many fuckin’ times, V. But I just..didn’t want ya to leave. Didn’t want to fuck this all up. Ya deserve better ‘n that.’’ Johnny squeezed her hand. 

‘’So what do you want? From me, from this?’’ V looked up from her hand, cheeks smeared with tears. 

‘’I want ya to love me too, V. Maybe not now, but eventually. Want to spend the rest of my life with ya.’’ His eyes met hers again. V felt a lump in her throat. 

‘’Thought I was falling in love with you. Saw Kerry and Vincent, that night at the gig. I thought of how I wanted to be there at the side of the stage. Getting kisses blown at me. But I’m not...I can’t...I need time.’’ 

‘’Not sayin’ it has to be now, V.’’ 

‘’I know, I just want to explain myself. I’ve been thinking I’m not enough this whole time, Johnny. And while we’re together, I felt like I was enough sometimes. But I don’t want to rely on you to give me that feeling. I want to feel it independent of whether we’re together or not.’’ 

‘’You want to feel enough of what, V?’’ Johnny frowned. 

‘’I want to feel worthy of love. Worthy of life. I kept wondering why I lived, when so many others died.’’ 

‘’V, don’t need to prove that. Ya fought like hell for both of us.’’ 

‘’Need to prove it to myself, Johnny. Or make it so I don’t have to prove it. Just...need to work on myself. For me, for you.’’ She squeezed his hand back, wiping at her eyes again with her free hand. She moved to wrap her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder. 

‘’Thinkin’ I need to work on some things, too.’’ Johnny sighed. ‘’Should’ve told ya, V. We tell each other everythin’, saw everythin’ in our pasts, and I couldn’t tell you. Took you almost dyin’ for me to fuckin’ say it. Should’ve trusted you not to hurt me.’’ Johnny kissed the top of her head. 

‘’I want to love you, Johnny.’’ V moved to look up at him. 

‘’Can I still kiss ya?’’ A smile twitched at the end of his lips. 

‘’Yeah, kiss me, loverboy.’’ V smiled back, kissing him back when his lips were on hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched a whole medical operation for this chapter! It wasn't long, it's amazing how quick a doctor can put a chest tube in. Also seemed pretty chill in the video I watched, a lot of people said it fucking hurts and I wholeheartedly believe that.  
> My chest felt so tight writing that last part, I didn't want to fuck it up so bad. Anyway, hope this was good.


End file.
